It is 4am and I am awake because I am SO hungry and also, I cannot stop thinking about the fact that I am having twins.
And neither hunger nor thinking is conducive to sleeping.
So I write this post as I eat Apple Jacks.
I am having twins.
I am still not really processing this information, so here are the straight up facts:
1. The boys are both really healthy. They are the right sizes (9oz and 8oz) and have straight healthy spines, and perfect little hearts beating away. The technician could already even see that they don't have cleft pallets.
2. They are probably identical, since the technician could tell they had a membrane separating them, but it looks like they're sharing a placenta.
3. My due date is now the end of March, since 38 weeks is considered "full-term" for twins, but the doctor says I probably won't even make that.
4. My body is measuring at the size of a woman who is 26weeks pregnant, as opposed to barely 20.
5. All our high and mighty plans of reusable diapers, all-natural childbirth with a midwife have fluttered away.
6. Our babies are very obviously boys, which Travis is quite proud of and he keeps saying "Well, of course they're well endowed. They're Pitchers, after all."
So. Here is my train of thought, which is much less coherent:
They will be so tall. They will be taller than me.
What if they want to play sports and I have to learn the rules of basketball?
What if only one wants to play sports and the other wants to be in musicals and I have to go to musicals and sports?
Should I dress them the same? I shouldn't.
But part of me wants to.
Part of me wants them in matching pajamas every single night until they move out.
Should I get two cribs? Babies can share a crib, right?
But is that healthy?
They are both going to learn to drive at the same time.
And it will kill me. I'm already preparing to be out of my mind about them learning to drive.
How will we pay for two babies?
Or two teenagers?
Can Travis go to graduate school? We want him to go to graduate school, but now... who knows?
Can we ever leave Utah? We meant to leave Utah but we need our families and our families are around here.
Where can my mom sleep? She will need her own room to come and take care of me.
What is going to happen to my body? I will be a monster.
I have heard it's really hard for your body to recover from twins.
I might be fat for the rest of my life.
Which will be extra goofy with such a tall skinny husband and two extra tall sons.
After this I will need that birth control that goes in your uterus and I will need it to be there for like 4 years.
At least 4 years, right?
I am having two babies at the same time and they are both boys.
I have never had any babies before.
I am also not a boy.
So I don't know what to do.
Travis does not think it's funny that I keep saying things like "I grew two penises."
He thinks it's gross, but I think it's funny.
I am excited. I am really, really excited.
I might not sound really excited because I'm still trying to figure out what's happening.
I might not figure it out until they hand me two babies at the hospital and I realize they're both mine.
I have two babies.
Travis's favorite way to tell people is to show them the ultrasounds and say "here's the penis!" and then pause while they go "Oh, it's a boy!" and then he says "and here's the other penis!"
But people just think we have one baby with two penises, or two pictures of the same thing.
I like to say "They're both boys!"
and then wait while the person on the phone goes "Congr... both? What do you mean BOTH?"
And then they're like "I don't believe you! Stop lying to me over the phone."
But I am not.
and I am not lying to you over the interwebs either.
Unless they gave us a phony ultrasound, which would be quite the accomplishment since we watched the whole thing.
I did not cry until tonight.
I was lying in bed, and I started sobbing and Travis was very worried.
"Is this happy crying or sad crying?" he asked, "or are you just emotional?"
All of the above.
Well, not sad.
I am not sad.
Just overwhelmed a little.
But I think it's my own fault. I've said far too often and too loudly that I love babies and want babies and am ready for a wave o' babies.
And now there is a wave coming. It is a wave made up of two babies who will be born at the same time and who are both boys.
And they probably look exactly the same.
Which is slightly freaky.
I would like to pay for them by being a cruel stage parent and making them act for their food.
TV loves babies who are twins.
Travis says they will be the boy version of Mary-Kate and Ashley.
So maybe no acting.
I am still hungry even though I've had two bowls of cereal and a banana.
But I should probably go to bed.
Even though now I will have very bad heartburn.
And these babies keep on kicking me, since they already have a terrible sleeping schedule where they're up all night.
Maybe WIC will give me extra food now that I'm having twins.
I'm already getting a handicapped parking sticker, since I shouldn't have to walk to and from school while I'm twice as pregnant as all you other ladies at 20 weeks.
That means I'm 40 weeks. So... my babies are due now.
Isn't that how math works?
I love you all.
Come to my house and do my dishes for me.
They're really piling up.
Name them Fred and George. Except not George bc
i want a baby named George.
I'll do your dishes. For reals. Let's do dessert night next week!
I didn't sleep either, I just stared at the ceiling all night without any coherent thoughts in my head. I couldn't get up and eat, because I'm trying not to eat carbs and a piece of meat in the middle of the night would keep me up even more.
I always wanted twins, and feared twins. I'm totally freaking out. I don't know what to do. I'm not sad. Just overwhelmed a little. Men don't know what to think of women crying and women don't know for sure why they cry. I just couldn't stop for like two hours. Just like when I found out I was pregnant with Kathryn. If you get two awesome little boys that are as awesome as Kathryn what is there to cry about? Of course they will be amazing! Now my incoherency is traveling over into your blog, but you get the jist of it right? Love you Mom
I have been telling everyone!!!!!!!! I am so excited for you and Travis, but if you really name one of the boys Gray, people will think you are talking about a piece of pottery - Gray Pitcher, not.............. I know, it's not my choice, just saying, say the names together to make sure they go together. Love you, bye I'm going shopping!!!!!!!!
Hurry and put up the ultra sound photos and video
I want you to know I think it's funny that you say you grew two penises. You are an amazing person and I wish the both of you all the luck. Plus now there's a triple reason for me to take a trip to Utah to see you and TWO babies.
Maybe we should have dinner again so I can ask you all the questions that are in my brain. I have no idea about twins so I have no advice for you but maybe just rub olive oil all over your body every night to help your skin with the stretching. Also, I hear it is better to have twins first because then you don't know how easy just one is. And why not cloth diapers??? It should save you a bunch of money. Anyways, WOW!
I am still in shock. And you are worried about them both driving at the same time? Well, it is probably easier to think of far away rather than close up. Perfect names: Sven and Ole. what do you say?
Love you dear!
You are so funny and cute. I've been smiling all night and day since reading your post. I'm thrilled for you and Travis. You will have extra challenges with twins being your first. Gratefully our twins came kinda in the middle of the family. Our experience is Twins actually get used to touching and kicking each other. Putting them in one crib keeps them in contact with each other, even if at different ends of the crib they can kick each other. It seemed reassuring to them and they were more content than when they were alone. It helped to keep both on almost the same sleeping/feeding schedule, when one awoke so did the other, usually... Although one has always been a night owl and the other an early bird. As they grow and become more aware of their surroundings they will enjoy looking at each other and playing together. For nursing my wife sat in the couch or easy chair and put pillows under her elbows to support the weight, then I would hand her each one and help "plug them in." Avoid the temptation to carry both at the same time, it will really hurt your back, especially as the boys grow.
I'm so happy that this blessing is coming to you and Travis, there could not be a more deserving, loving couple.
I love the stream-of-consciousness. Perfectly gets across how you're feeling.
I would like to say that last night, every ten minutes or so, I exclaimed, "Chad! I can't believe Becky's having twins!" or "Can you imagine having twins for your first pregnancy?"
If I was up all night talking about it, I have no idea how crazy you're going, how late you were up (obviously 4 a.m.), how many times you rolled over in bed WIDE AWAKE.
Becky, this is gigantic. Like the biggest news I've heard in a long time. And for some reason it's affecting me a lot. Probably because of that "biggest news I've ever heard" thing.
Please call me if you need assistance of any sort. I'm thrilled for you.
Just think, now you are totally justified in your urge to buy/make/collect twice the amount of adorable baby things! And think think of all the new possibilities of matching, complementing, and contrasting. Because although you're right that you probably shouldn't dress them the same everyday until they're 18, it's pretty much a law that you have to sometimes.
You've never met me, but I am Travis' cousin, Janae (from Canada). I'm sure you know that we have triplets. My mom phoned me this morning and told me you guys are expecting twin boys. I'm so excited for you. I read your post and I can honestly say I felt the same way when we first found out we were having triplet girls. Yes I was excited, but oh my goodness it was so overwhelming. Some of the points you had on your list stil scare me, for eg. 3 girls learning to drive at the same time...or 3 teenage girls. So I just take one day at a time. That is my motto and it works! If I start thinking about everything we are going to have to buy or go through with these wonderful girls I think I'd go crazy! You and Travis will be great parents! Having family close by is such a blessing. I don't know if we would of survived without our families. Another thing, yes babies can share a crib and no it won't harm them. My 3 girls shared a crib for the first 4 months of their lives. Then they got their own. It was always so cute, they loved to be snuggled right close to each other. So adorable. Sorry for the long comment, but I just wanted to let you know that you guys can do this. Take one day and one thing at a time. If you ever want to chat give me an email at email@example.com. I also have a blog, but it's private, so if you are interested in looking at it give me an email. Hang in there! Oh another thing is it is possible to look normal after having multiples. I have worked hard and am now fitting into jeans that I wore before I got married!! YEAH!!! Anyways, very excited about the news! Tell Travis hi and congrats too!!
Well, I think we are over our shock and are so excited!!!!!!! I love Janae's comment and that's just what I was feeling. Take one step at a time and you will be fine. Don't worry about the future, it will work itself out. We love both of you and pray that both babies arrive safe and healthy and that mom is healthy too!! Oh, we were adding it up and when you put it this way it sounds really awesome....Grandma Newman has FOUR sets of great-grandchildren who are twins!!! Wow, who would have thought it. I guess we do have twins in the family. We are here for anything you need and I hope you know and feel this.
becky how wonderful! terrifying, but so fun :) you and travis are going to be grrrrreat parents. i can tell, i know things.
My dad is an identical twin.
Don't dress them the same, they hate that.
Also, don't give them names that start with the same letter.
If you're terribly worried, I can always relay questions you have to him.
I'm an identical twin.. and I have a friend that had twins 1 month ago. and all are happy as can be. In all families.
I promise you everything will be fine. Because Travis is right: God gave them to you because he knows you can handle it. And you have Travis. Who can handle it. That means "handle it to the power of two"... or handle it squared. And that's good.
If you need any advice, I can ask my mom.. I didn't handle Melissa and I. However I can probably help. I know how the twin mind works.
Oh man I had a meltdown too!
I came from all girls, even though I could be a tomboy the thought of having a boy was so hard for me! I wouldn't know what to do or if I'd be a good enough mommmy. It's a lot to process! I can't wait to read the rest of your journey!
p.s. I found it hilarious to say "hahaha I have a penis inside me" my boyfriend looked at me crazy too
I love your blog here it's very nicely done! I had twin boys as well so I can def. relate =)
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