It is 4am and I am awake because I am SO hungry and also, I cannot stop thinking about the fact that I am having twins.
And neither hunger nor thinking is conducive to sleeping.
So I write this post as I eat Apple Jacks.
I am having twins.
I am still not really processing this information, so here are the straight up facts:
1. The boys are both really healthy. They are the right sizes (9oz and 8oz) and have straight healthy spines, and perfect little hearts beating away. The technician could already even see that they don't have cleft pallets.
2. They are probably identical, since the technician could tell they had a membrane separating them, but it looks like they're sharing a placenta.
3. My due date is now the end of March, since 38 weeks is considered "full-term" for twins, but the doctor says I probably won't even make that.
4. My body is measuring at the size of a woman who is 26weeks pregnant, as opposed to barely 20.
5. All our high and mighty plans of reusable diapers, all-natural childbirth with a midwife have fluttered away.
6. Our babies are very obviously boys, which Travis is quite proud of and he keeps saying "Well, of course they're well endowed. They're Pitchers, after all."
So. Here is my train of thought, which is much less coherent:
They will be so tall. They will be taller than me.
What if they want to play sports and I have to learn the rules of basketball?
What if only one wants to play sports and the other wants to be in musicals and I have to go to musicals and sports?
Should I dress them the same? I shouldn't.
But part of me wants to.
Part of me wants them in matching pajamas every single night until they move out.
Should I get two cribs? Babies can share a crib, right?
But is that healthy?
They are both going to learn to drive at the same time.
And it will kill me. I'm already preparing to be out of my mind about them learning to drive.
How will we pay for two babies?
Or two teenagers?
Can Travis go to graduate school? We want him to go to graduate school, but now... who knows?
Can we ever leave Utah? We meant to leave Utah but we need our families and our families are around here.
Where can my mom sleep? She will need her own room to come and take care of me.
What is going to happen to my body? I will be a monster.
I have heard it's really hard for your body to recover from twins.
I might be fat for the rest of my life.
Which will be extra goofy with such a tall skinny husband and two extra tall sons.
After this I will need that birth control that goes in your uterus and I will need it to be there for like 4 years.
At least 4 years, right?
I am having two babies at the same time and they are both boys.
I have never had any babies before.
I am also not a boy.
So I don't know what to do.
Travis does not think it's funny that I keep saying things like "I grew two penises."
He thinks it's gross, but I think it's funny.
I am excited. I am really, really excited.
I might not sound really excited because I'm still trying to figure out what's happening.
I might not figure it out until they hand me two babies at the hospital and I realize they're both mine.
I have two babies.
Travis's favorite way to tell people is to show them the ultrasounds and say "here's the penis!" and then pause while they go "Oh, it's a boy!" and then he says "and here's the other penis!"
But people just think we have one baby with two penises, or two pictures of the same thing.
I like to say "They're both boys!"
and then wait while the person on the phone goes "Congr... both? What do you mean BOTH?"
And then they're like "I don't believe you! Stop lying to me over the phone."
But I am not.
and I am not lying to you over the interwebs either.
Unless they gave us a phony ultrasound, which would be quite the accomplishment since we watched the whole thing.
I did not cry until tonight.
I was lying in bed, and I started sobbing and Travis was very worried.
"Is this happy crying or sad crying?" he asked, "or are you just emotional?"
All of the above.
Well, not sad.
I am not sad.
Just overwhelmed a little.
But I think it's my own fault. I've said far too often and too loudly that I love babies and want babies and am ready for a wave o' babies.
And now there is a wave coming. It is a wave made up of two babies who will be born at the same time and who are both boys.
And they probably look exactly the same.
Which is slightly freaky.
I would like to pay for them by being a cruel stage parent and making them act for their food.
TV loves babies who are twins.
Travis says they will be the boy version of Mary-Kate and Ashley.
So maybe no acting.
I am still hungry even though I've had two bowls of cereal and a banana.
But I should probably go to bed.
Even though now I will have very bad heartburn.
And these babies keep on kicking me, since they already have a terrible sleeping schedule where they're up all night.
Maybe WIC will give me extra food now that I'm having twins.
I'm already getting a handicapped parking sticker, since I shouldn't have to walk to and from school while I'm twice as pregnant as all you other ladies at 20 weeks.
That means I'm 40 weeks. So... my babies are due now.
Isn't that how math works?
I love you all.
Come to my house and do my dishes for me.
They're really piling up.