I still live in Provo, so I get a lot of the same opportunities I did when I was a student. We even get to go to a fancy banquet on campus over the weekend. In fact, sometimes it doesn't even really seem like I'm not a student anymore.
I do about the same amount of homework as I did as a student (none).
And I still keep up with my favorite section of the BYU Newspaper (the Daily Universe): The Police Beat.
BYU is pretty much a campus of well-behaved, sober students who distrust nearly everyone besides themselves. So with the exception of the occasional stolen laptop or drug possession the campus police have very little to do besides check out reported "suspicious activities."
And then, of course, the police reports are printed for all to read and enjoy. Here are some of my favorites, all employing that powerful and NOT over-used word suspicious.
Oct. 20 Three males were seen entering the Wilkinson Center. One of them went and suspiciously changed his pants. When officers arrived, they searched the area that the student changed in and found nothing.
Oct. 21 A suspicious-looking 33-year-old male was reported walking around the Widtsoe Building. When police confronted him, he said that he was looking for a job.
Oct. 22 A woman reported two separate, suspicious incidents. The first, the woman received several suspicious phone calls. Second, she had her keys stolen from her car. Both she and the police are wondering if the two incidents are related.
Nov. 6 An RA found 12 people entering a building looking suspicious. The people had bought 50-cent masks from Walmart and were going from building to building trying to scare people.
Nov. 16 An employee reported a suspicious-looking person in the ASB at about 9 p.m. The person was a tenant and was authorized to be there.
Jan. 14: A suspicious male entered the Center for Service and Learning and asked a female receptionist about the enrollment on campus and the purpose of the building they were in. The receptionist thought his questions were suspicious and reported him to police. No further action was taken.
Jan. 17: A student reported a male with orange hair and an orange beard looking suspicious in the Smith Fieldhouse. The student told police he had overheard the man telling a woman that he liked babies. When officers arrived, no one had seen a man with orange hair or an orange beard.
Jan. 17: A suspicious rushing noise was reported coming from tall, metal cylinders located on the southeast side of the Clyde building. Police responded and discovered the cylinders were part of a research project being conducted by a student. The Provo Fire Department declared the project safe.
Jan. 14: A female student reported a suspicious male who made her feel uncomfortable at the WSC by asking her what she was doing there.
Jan. 19: A female student reported a male blocking the crosswalk with his car and asked if she had a car. Suspicious of his intentions, she notified the police.
And I know there is no mention of the word suspicious, but I just can't get over the description of these two highly suspicious individuals:
Jan. 20: A white male with some acne and a female were reported to be selling promotions for a hair care and nail salon without a license to residents living in Horne Hall. When officers arrived the suspects were gone. Police contacted the salon and informed them they were not allowed to promote products on campus.
Poor white male with acne, and apparently indescribable female....
There's been talk of toning down the use of the word suspicious in the Police Beat, but as one reader of the Daily Universe wrote in, " I don’t want to read about a “regular” person removing something from their car, because I can go see that myself in any parking lot." Let's keep things suspicious, people.
Please, if you've got some time to kill (and clearly you do, or you wouldn't have bothered to read so far on this post), please spend some time reading more Police Beat Reports.
You can start with the week of February 2nd, which so far is my favorite week and contains gems like people climbing trees who turn out to be grounds crew workers, students deciding not to play loud music, and a boy crying because his classes had been deleted.
Oh Police, I'm so glad that you're being paid by tuition money. Totally worth it.