Tuesday, March 1, 2011

waiting

I am waiting.

I am sick of waiting.

I want these babies.

We have lots of friends with babies, but this weekend I saw an-honestly-days-old newborn.

He was snuggled up on his mom's belly, curling and uncurling his fingers while he breastfed and was looking around the room with his dark, big, alert eyes.

And I can't stop thinking about it.

His long bare legs and knobby, wrinkly knees. His soft light hairline fading into smooth pinkish skin. 
His perfect new baby smell, which isn't like milk or lotion or any of the things babies grow to smell like.
But is just the smell of baby.

I want my boys. 

I want them in my arms and not my belly.
I want them in the middle of night.

I am sick of waiting.
And I know I could have them any day, really.
But I could also be waiting for nearly another month.

And I don't want to wait another month.
I want our family to snuggle up together on the couch and actually be made of four people.
And not just two people, one of whom is giant and misshapen. 

I feel like I'm in limbo. Or waiting for a bus that isn't coming.
Or 10 months pregnant with no signs of ever actually having a baby... or two.

By the way, can you believe that it's March?
Soon March Madness will begin, and I'm SO not referring to sports.

5 comments:

Camille Spence said...

My birthday is on Thursday, and I totally wouldn't mind sharing with your little gentlemen. It's a great day to be born!!

Shum Girl said...

Goodness me I know how you feel. Sorry. It will come fast and then one day you will think "Life was way easier when they were in my tummy and I could just carry them around in there and I didn't have to worry about them getting hurt or going to college."

Camille Spencer said...

Well my birthday is next Wednesday, and so not to be mistaken with Camille Spence, it would be fun to have the boys birthday on the 9th! However I know you don't want to wait that long. They will be here soon. We are all so excited!

Erin said...

Oh I remember those days like were yesterday! Don't worry they will be here before you know it and this will all seem like a bad dream once you see them!

Nana B said...

Your Uncle Tony's b'day is the 9th too, that would be a great day for 2 more birthdays in the family. And oh how I can remember those last days before birth, a long time ago yes, but the waiting is not easy and the memory is a fond one. They will be here soon my dear and your life will be so full you won't remember, at least for a while, the waiting.