Monday, July 18, 2011
Grey and Micah,
I love you. I love you. I love you.
And my favorite thing in the entire world is when you show me that you love me back.
I love when you see me across the room and smile.
I love when you hear my voice and look around excitedly, trying to find where your mom is.
I love when I talk in a silly voice and you laugh until you gasp and cough, because you think I'm just so funny.
I love when you are nursing, but you can't latch properly because you are trying to look at my face and smile while you eat.
I always swell a bit with pride when someone else holds you, and you cry. But when I take you into my arms - you're instantly happy. You throw your sweet baby arm over my shoulder. You cling to my neck. You nestle your head under my chin.
You are mine, I am yours.
And you know it.
Sometimes people say "I do not miss those days," and they look at me with pity, imagining sleepless nights, and afternoons determined by naptime and nursing schedules.
And I want you to know, that I will miss these days. I will never have you again, when you are so small and you are learning so much, and you need me for so many things.
Every day you get bigger, and learn more, and are a bit more independent.
You don't need me to stick the pacifier in your mouth, you can suck on your fingers.
You don't need me to help you position yourself, you can wiggle and roll.
You often don't need me to entertain you, you already have your imagination and your brother.
Soon you won't need me to help you sit, or stand, crawl or eat.
I cherish these days, when you are my baby. I plan to cherish every day.
Every day is different, and every day you are different.
Some days are hard, but most days are not.
Most days are good, and you are good and happy.
People say, "let me take him, and give you a rest."
And I think, I don't need a rest. I don't want a rest. I want to keep holding him. All day, every day - until he is too big to hold.
(You're already getting too big! Man, 14 pounds is heavy - almost 3 times bigger than when you were born.)
But sometimes when you cry, or I haven't slept - then I let someone hold you. But usually I use my free hands to look at pictures and video of you on my phone.
I know you can put yourself to sleep. I've seen you do it many times.
So I don't mind too much when you cry, because I know it's just because you want me to check on you.
You want me to say, Don't worry. I'm here. I love you.
So, baby. Don't worry.
I love you.