Friday, December 16, 2011

Fact: It is Friday {Car Crashes}

Fact: it is Friday: Where I talk about myself. On Fridays.
I don't talk about my babies, unless I want to, which sometimes I might. But mostly Fact: it is Friday is when I'm going to tell you something you maybe didn't know about me.
Or perhaps a story from my bucktoothed-childhood or bratty teenage years.

Becky Fact 16: I have never hit a deer while driving.

So are you thinking to yourself "That is a non-fact" or perhaps "it's not normal to have hit deer," or maybe "But I've definitely heard you say that you hit a deer while driving. Were you lying?"

Okay. Yes. If I told you that I hit a deer while driving it was a lie.
BUT I have excuses. First of all, I grew up in a small town (a farming community for goodness sake!) in Minnesota.
I know literally dozens of people who have hit deer.
I have almost hit deer on numerous occasions but my superb driving skills saved me (and those stories are BORING.)
I have hit bunnies, pheasants and once a wild turkey!
And frankly, starting a story with "My uncle was driving a truck to the Boundary Waters," is much less engaging than saying "I was driving to the Boundary Waters."
All the details are the same, except whether or not I was actually in the driver's seat... or in the truck at all.

I'm sorry to have lied to you.

So, to make up for it, here is the story of every single time that I have crashed a car:
1. On the day that I got my permit, my dad allowed me to drive once around the block in his giant two-ton pickup truck... or should I have said 3/4s of the way around the block?
I drove the truck into a retaining wall.  (I forgot which was the brake and which was the gas, sheesh.)
The wall was only a few feet high, and the truck tried to jump the wall. Consequently, I also learned how to change a tire.... something I am now quite excellent at after many, many times.

2. Soon after receiving my license, I was driving with my sister Lisa and friend Chelsea on a slippery road. We were rocking out to the radio. Showing off our superb dance moves and ... um... head banging? I rear-ended a truck in front of me, and their hitch went straight through my bumper. We pulled off to the side of the road, decided it was an accident, and since I was at fault, and the only one with any damage - we just drove away. We didn't even exchange phone numbers.
I went home and begged forgiveness. It was snowing! It was slippery! I fishtailed! BLACK ICE!
And all was well.
UNTIL (bum bum buuuuum) my mother found a .mov file on the family computer labeled "Car Crash" that my sister had foolishly uploaded (and titled? Seriously, Lisa?). Because apparently she had been filming when we hit the truck... oops?
Lisa was filming me singing, head banging and fist pumping at the camera, followed by screaming, a dropped camera, and Chelsea saying "Oh, your mom is going to kill you."
Busted. Luckily, my parents found this to be pretty hilarious and I was mostly mocked as punishment.

3. I went to a party late at night (and no, I was not drinking or consuming drugs. Come on, people.) and drove my dad's stick shift down the loooong, thin, dirt, unlit driveway to my friend's house so I didn't have to park on the street and walk through snow. However, when my curfew came and I obediently tried to go home I found that her dark driveway was impossible to back down, and that the ground fell away sharply into a ditch on either side. Nevertheless, I prevailed.
And I failed.
I backed the car off the driveway and into the yard, where the bottom of the car got stuck on a tree stump. I didn't know the car was wedged in, and assumed that my inability to just drive back up the hill (even with people pushing) was due to my inexperience with manual shift. So I kept trying, and trying, and trying until I had to call my dad and eventually a tow-truck to yank the car out of the yard.
And to a... car place... what's that place where you get cars fixed called?
**Edit: a mechanic. I remembered. 

4. Once, when I was quickly backing down my driveway, I smashed into our mailbox... across the street.
Tail lights out. No other harm done. Hardly memorable.

5. Driving to school one day with Lisa and a neighbor boy, who was one of... three? black kids in my high school (so yes, a pretty diverse car for Buffalo, Minnesota) the roads were snowy and icy. I hit a patch of ice, and slowly (but totally unstoppably) my car started to spin. It started weaving backwards down the street. It sloooowly backed into the ditch and then flopped on to it's side.
Seriously. It was slow. Inception slow.
We didn't roll. We didn't crash. We flopped. Into a snow bank. Poor Lisa was hanging by her seatbelt and we had to push her door up and open, and then crawl out.
But I don't remember if I went to school that day.  If memory serves, I skipped.
So it was probably worth it.

There. So now you all know the truth about me.
I am a very excellent driver who has never hit a deer with a car.
Or ever been pulled over by a cop. Not once.
Or ever purchased a car, but have been given three different cars by three different uncles.
Oh, but I did learn to drive on a frozen lake. Did I mention that? Yeah. I'm pretty much awesome.

Tell me your car crash stories.
Do it. Now.

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Chris said...

When you were drove the (not quite two ton) truck the first time, you screamed every time you had to turn a corner. Then when you over corrected and started driving through some guys yard and strait up the retaining wall, screaming even louder, tearing the tires off my truck, punching the gas instead of the break, I just couldn't stop laughing at how terrible of a driver you were. I couldn't breath or talk I was laughing so hard. The worse the situation got, the harder I was laughing. Probably a bad reaction.

Plus, it is important to note that your mom found that video on the computer years later, after you left for college.

Carlie said...

The story about your sister filming your car accident made me laugh. That is too funny. What a way to get caught! haha.

Polly said...

Hopefully Anita will leave her version of the van flipping on it's side on the way to school, since she was following you and probably more traumatized then you were. Plus that was my fault because I didn't want to get out of my warm bed and drive you to school and I felt that I should. Also you didn't even tell us you rear ended someone until I noticed the hole made by the hitch and then you said "what's the big deal who care's it's just a hole in the bumper" Good thing your so darn cute and funny and all these stories make me laugh, since no one got hurt. I loved what you said the first time you drove "I seriously don't understand why every car on the road isn't dented, I had no idea driving was so hard"