Thursday, January 3, 2013

Movie Reviews

"Why Becky, you're a classy artistic genius, why don't you give us your opinion on all the movies you've seen lately." (you said.)

"I am mostly a shut-in recluse on account of my children, but a family visit has allowed me to see some recent movies. I WILL tell you my thoughts on them." (I said.)

Spoiler Alert: I will spoil these movies.

The Hobbit: Peter Jackson, I know you were trying to include all kinds of whatever from the appendixes, but maybe you should have just focused on THE HOBBIT. Also, stop trying to make it all nostalgic, stop letting characters address the audience with long, moving speeches if they're obviously supposed to be talking to another characters, and I don't think goblins, trolls, or orcs are that eloquent. Also, why can the orcs go out in the daylight? They aren't Urikai, dummy. That being said, I was totally in love with the music (as usual), and thought that Martin Freeman was perfect in his role. I am a tiny-bit in love with him as Bilbo (Okay, and as John Watson.)

Skyfall: Was an awesome name for this movie, and I want to name MY house Skyfall. The movie was interesting until (bum bum buuummm)) it turned into Home Alone. "This is my house, I have to defend it!" After that, I was incapable of thinking of anyone besides Macaulay Culkin. Also, I couldn't figure out the races of most of the people, and again, I felt the movie was too nostalgic. Don't give people dumb names, don't give Bond an old car, don't drag us around and kill M in a significant spot. We've moved on.

Les Miserables: You guys, I was prepared. I was ready to weep audibly through the whole movie. I was ready to buy the soundtrack and listen to it all day (probably while crying.) I was prepared to call it my new favorite, and if the amount of sobbing that occurred while I watched the trailer was any indication, I would be a dehydrated mess at the end of Les Mis. Guess what. The trailer was no indication. The first song started and I thought, "Gag me."
"No!" I told myself, "Don't judge this movie by it's first song. Look at Hugh Jackman! Remember how awesome he is? Look at Russel Crow, look at his nicely trimmed beard!" I forced myself to feel it for the first forty minutes, Anne Hatheway died and I cried. And then I was done crying. Then the giggling began. The long sludge of watching awkward close-ups and never seeing two characters on the screen at the same time. The plot line wasn't just depressing, it was ... pathetic. I didn't love any of the characters, I pitied them. Then that pity turned to annoyance and hate. Every time the music swelled, I thought "Is this when I'm supposed to cry?"
By the end, my mom and sister and I were laughing hysterically. When the ghost of Christmas Past came to lead Scrooge to ... heaven (?), I felt a cringe of sadness, until Hugh muttered something grumbly and pathetic and I remembered that he was the Wolverine pretending to be an old man, and the giggling began again. Also, sometimes in musicals it's okay to say words instead of tunelessly singing a conversations back and forth.
I went with three other women, and they all summed it up pretty well:
Charné said, "The songs were awesome, the talk-singing ruined it."
My mom said, "I dreamed a dream that this movie would be wonderful."
And Mary said, "I underestimated my ability to sit through [180] minutes of singing."
And after we giggled ourselves silly, the movie ended, and my sister whispered "QUICKLY! Let's leave before they see our faces!"
They, of course, are the people in the audience shooting us mean looks and teary-stink-eyes.

** Edit**
Since you asked. My favorite movie of all time, and which I sob unrestrainedly through is It's a Wonderful Life. 
And when I say favorite, I mean it.
I mean, if I was stranded on a desert island with only one movie to watch for the rest of my life, that would be it.

Some of my other favorites? You've Got Mail. (I am a girl, after all.)
Finding Neverland. (Did I mention that Peter Pan is my favorite book, and is in fact a perfect piece of literature? In general, I love Peter Pan movies, like the disney classic, Hook, etc.)
I just saw Moonrise Kingdom and of course loved it, although I'm pretty much in love with all Wes Anderson films.
I love all the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter films. A-doy.
And despite my dislike of Les Mis, I love many musicals, including (of course) The Sound of Music, Singing in the Rain, and My Fair Lady.
Are we talking Hepburn now? Because I love Audrey and everything she's ever been in. Especially Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffanys, and How to Steal a Million. Oh, and Sabrina. 
And since you're no doubt dying to know, here are some of the other movies sitting on our shelf that j'adore:  Big Fish, Lars and the Real Girl, Sweetland, Babies, Oh Brother, Where art Thou? Better off Dead, Cinema Paradiso, My Neighbor Totoro, The Brothers Bloom, A River Runs Through It, Stranger than Fiction, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Hook. 
And in case you're wondering what kind of ridiculous slap-happy nonsense I enjoy, I'm always up for some Zoolander, School of Rock, Nacho Libre, etc.
And I love me some strange 70's movies. Including, of course, The Planet of the Apes movies, Star Wars, (originals only, for me), and everything ever made by the Beatles. They are a goofy bunch. And I like goofy.

Seen anything good lately that you think I should watch? Spoiler alert: I did not enjoy Pitch Perfect. Or rather, I kind of enjoyed it, but was mostly grossed out.
And I didn't know any of the songs that they sing, because I mostly listen to music for old people.

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Becky said...

Um... it sounds like you don't like any movies. What is your favorite movie? Is there a fantastic movie out there that you love?

Oh and you are right, the weird close ups in Les Mis were very weird.

Casey said...

Sooooo glad I wasn't the only one who hated Les Mis. :-) I've heard similar things about the Hobbit, so I think I might wait and Redbox that one if anything. Thanks!

Rachel said...

I didn't notice this orcs not bring allowed out in daylight? Just Gollum I guess...other than that, pretty much yes, I agree with you. I mostly enjoyed it anyway, I didn't see les mix for the exact reasons you described. And I'm a fan of the novel and the musical, as a musical, not with film actors.

Oh but I also thought moonrise kingdom was stupid. I do like most of the other films you listed, like lord of the rings (my favorite!) And big fish.

Ohhh wait, also, I didn't like Sky fall. Even for a Bond movie, it was dumb and full of holes, even if I liked Adele's opening song. Oh well.

Scott & Ali said...

I also hated les mis, and i was so ready to absolutely love it. I get stoned anytime i say i thought it was terrible.

alyssa said...

my hubby and i took advantage of the fact that my parents were here for the holidays and we saw a ton of films. i loved the hobbit and the extra parts...just me i guess...but my fav movie of the summer, the avengers! i'm a comic book nerd though :)

Emily Cetta said...

Have you ever seen The Artist? It's one of my very favourites. I personally enjoy silent movies to begin with but I see why the masses enjoyed The Artist. It's funny and witty but also sad and moving. I really, really recommend it. All of the awards it won/was nominated for were well-deserved.

I was really excited to go and see Les Mis but after your review I may just wait until it hits redbox.

Also, I LOVED Pitch Perfect but then again I have a soft spot for dirty comedy. And Skylar Astin.

tammy said...

We have got to talk movies. It is one of my favorite things to talk about. I do not like It's a Wonderful Life. Let's talk about why. My mom says with age I will like it but you already really love it so we need to discuss it. Serious, don't be mad or judge me because I don't like it.