Saturday, July 13, 2013

Mr. F

The title of this post is nonsense that came to me like this:
Hmm, post name? Funny Family Friday? That's unbearable. *Begins humming nonsense.* Filly, funny, family, what begins with F? Mr. F!

Oh. A look into my thought-processes is frightening.

My family is beyond hilarious, and the funniest one of us is my mom.
I didn't realize this as a kid, because my Dad is a noisier kind of hysterical.

I wish that I had all of our conversations from the past few days on file, because there were so many of them that were hilarious.

There are lots of little conversations between Grey and Micah that I treasure. Like when my brother Jack took them on a bike ride.
"Mama riding?" asked Grey.
"No, Jack," said Micah.  "Mama home."
"Yes, Mama home. Jack's bike. Okay."

or when Micah fell asleep in the car, and Grey shouted at him "NO SLEEP, MICAH!" for twenty minutes.

My favorite conversation occurred when my little sister Katie came and showed my mom the doorknob tag that read, "Welcome Mrs. Horan's Room."

"Look at this!" Katie said, waving in front of my mom's face.
"Mrs. Horan?" Mom said. "Who's that?"
"Well, this is Niall Horan from One Direction," said Katie, raising her eyebrows significantly.
"But that says Mrs. That's a girl name."
"Niall isn't married," said Katie, pointing between the tag and herself.
"So," said my mom, looking positively puzzled, "It's his Mom's room?"
A few feet away, I tried to stifle my giggling, while Kathryn stomped her little foot and threw her hands in the air.
"Argh! No! It means that I'm his wife!"
"Ohhh," said my mom."Of course. Now I get it!"
And Katie rolled her eyes at the cluelessness of her mother.

Here are a few others:

Me: In the car, Grey rolled the chapstick all the way up, smashed it between his hands, and rubbed it all over his face and hair.
Dad: Is that what happened to your hair, too?
Me: No, this is the regular hair-grease acquired by not showering and riding in a car.
Dad: Hmmm... You look like a fry cook.
Me: A beautiful fry cook?
Dad: a Beautiful, French-fry cook, with greasy hair.

Because Grey and Micah pronounce "Grandma" and "Mama" the same:
Mom: What if, in this new world we live in, people think that we are a lesbian couple and these are our children?
Me: Whatever. You look like you're my mom.
Mom: What!? I'm offended.
Me: Micah! Come get a sandwich from Grandma!
Mom: Oh, good idea yelling that I'm their grandma!
Mom: Yes! Good! I think everyone can hear you!

Dad: What did that dumb tattoo say?
Mom: "Love Life"
Dad: I guess that's a good sentiment. It's stupid that she tattooed it across her chest.
Mom: At least it didn't say, "Live, laugh, love."
Jack: Or, "Dance like No One's Watching."
Me: I don't know, that's good advice. I want it on a wooden plaque.
Jack: Becky dances the same when everyone's watching as when no one is. She has no humility.
Me: I do so have humility. I'm just not prideful about my dancing abilities, or lack thereof.
Mom: I thought Jack said, "Becky has no fumigility."
Me: I have great stores of fumigility, thank you.
Dad: Of course you do, you haven't ever been fumigilated have you? She's overrun!

Me: These match the cars that our friend made the boys.
Mom: You're friends with him? Weird! He's way older than you guys.
Me: So what?
Mom: YOU just said it was weird that I was friends with a twenty-four year old! If he's older than me, then it's even weirder for you to be friends!
Me: Obviously, I was joking! Most of my friends are closer to your age than mine anyway. And he and his wife have twins, so
Mom: Are you kidding? What is with that twin-mom secret-best friend club!
Me: We all know what the others have gone through, and -
Mom: Well, I have kids and I'm not in a secret best-friend club with everyone else in the world with kids.  I'm getting sick of this club. I want to be invited. I wanted Kathryn to be a twin, you know!
Me: And she believes that she is a twin and her twin died.
Mom: Sometimes she talks about her twin-sister Grace that's trapped in the mirror until I believe that maybe she had a twin and I lost her.
Me: Haha, and you would have named her Grace, right? Well, maybe I named Grey after Kathryn's non-existant twin Grace.
Mom: That was foolish. Because she isn't real.

My sister Mary is currently in Hawaii, and posted a picture of a man at the top of a coconut tree.
Me: Mom, write a comment that says, "OMG How did you get up there?"
Mom: Ha! I'm pretty sure that's not her and it would make her angry.
Me: Haha, it's hilarious.  I'll write something about how she's such a good climber and I'm really impressed.

*A few pictures later, we had commented on our surprise that her BF's family included Hawaiians and my dad had left a comment on Hula dancers that said, "You and Mike are really good dancers! Those wigs are hilarious!"
Let's just say, Mary was not amused, and will likely also be angered by this blog post. We just want you in on the fun! We miss you!

Dad: Well, you know what Sun Tzu says...
Me: I don't actually. Enlighten me.
Dad: Do you even know who Sun Tzu is?
Me: An Asian Philosopher.
Dad: I believe that he was Japanese,
Me: So, that falls into the Asian category.
Dad: And he liked to... think... about Life.
Me: So a philosopher?
Dad: Ah, yes. Actually, he wrote The Art of War.
Me: Oh, yeah. Of course. I did know that.
Dad: Have you read it?
Me: Of course not. Have you?
Dad: Absolutely not.

Katie: The bug bite on my forehead is right in the middle, so I pretend it's a Pindi.
Me: A what?
Katie: Pindi? Bimbi? Whatever it's called!
Me: A pimple?
Katie: No! You know! **She twists her wrists over her head and does a little belly dance.**
Me: Oh! I think you're right, that is called a Bindi.
Katie: Bindi. Yeah. I know. Geez.
(I was actually really impressed by this, since I obviously had no idea what she meant.)

I also overheard Katie say the following things to her friends:
Katie: Oh, We have a whole dollar!
Friend: Only a dollar?
Katie: Yes, but in this time period, a dollar is worth a thousand bucks!
Friend: Why look, I've found a cent!
Katie: An entire cent to ourselves!

Friend: Can I use the One Direction cup?
Katie: Unfortunately, no. I have a One Direction shirt on, and since the cup matches me, I have to use it.

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MARCIE said...

I hate missing all the fun. Your parents really are a riot! And you too, of course!

MARCIE said...

PS: Your mom told me what One Direction is, otherwise I would be totally baffled.

Jenny M. said...

"What is with that twin-mom secret-best friend club!" Hahahaha! So true! First, you were my visiting teacher. Now, in our current ward, my visiting teacher is also a mom of twins. I think God knows we need the support. :)

Jenny M. said...

And, since you had a hand in becoming my visiting teacher, you knew I would need the support too! :)