A few notes: I will not only talk about pregnancy now, I promise.
Also, I love a good rant every now and again, I hope you'll forgive me.
Lastly, seriously. Look at the those pictures. Can you believe that people would say, "You don't even look pregnant!" to me? They said it all the time! It was a LIE.
I am not far enough along in my pregnancy to have gotten this phrase thrown at me very much yet, but I got it for 5 months last time around.
And now, I have other pregnant friends, a few months ahead of me, and I see this phrase plastered all over the comment section of every picture of them sporting a baby bump:
"Oh my gosh, you are so tiny you don't even look pregnant!"
Apparently this is a compliment.
It makes me mad.
It's the worst compliment.
Pregnant women should look pregnant!
Are we so obsessed with thinness as a society, that we think it's a compliment to tell a woman (with A CHILD INSIDE HER), that she is tiny?!
When I was pregnant with the twins: I was not tiny. At all.
A stranger literally said the words to me, "I didn't know pregnant women could even get so huge!"
And yet: almost every day someone would say to me: "You look so small, I don't even believe you're carrying twins!"
Or "You're so tiny, I'm jealous!"
Or even, "You hardly even look pregnant!"
First of all, those were downright lies. It made me mad that my friends were lying to my face, while people at the grocery store were constantly asking if I needed to be rushed to the hospital, because I looked ready to burst.
I do think it was intended as a compliment, maybe like "You look so healthy," or "Your face isn't swollen," or even, "You're all belly!"
But that's not what people said. Instead they told me insulting lies. They said I did not look pregnant or that my beach ball-sized belly was in fact, basketball-sized.
But the real reason that ubiquitous phrase of, "Oh my gosh, you look so tiny!" really made me mad was this: I was working my butt off trying to grow babies.
Do you know how many calories I had to take in every day? And I wasn't eating McDonalds. I spent almost all day preparing and eating a variety of healthy foods to keep my at-risk children growing. And it sucked.
It sounds great, right? For eating to be your full-time job? But it's not. Because I was tired, I was poor, I had heartburn and only a tiny bit of space in my body left for food- so I had to constantly be eating. All day, and often through night. (Pack those calories in whenever possible!)
So when people said, "You don't even look like you're having twins!" I was ready to stab them with the fork that I was probably holding.
When they said, "You're so tiny!" I panicked and thought, "Am I too tiny? Should I be bigger? Are the boys healthy? When's my next ultrasound, maybe something's wrong!"
Because I was pregnant.
And I looked pregnant.
And to tell me otherwise was an insult.
I will never tell a pregnant woman that she looks tiny.
In fact: let's not comment on each other's weight, okay? That seems like a basic rule of human interaction that is completely thrown out the window when there's a baby inside you. Suddenly, it's not only acceptable for your close friends to mention your pant-size, but for complete strangers to cross the street to come over and tell you that you're gigantic.
Here are some good things to say to pregnant women, "You look great!"
"You look so adorably pregnant."
"When are you due?" (NOT "When was your due date?" Or "Are you in labor?" Or "You look ready to pop!")
Sometimes it slips out of me. I say, "Oh you're so cute and little!"
Because little things are cute, obviously.
And I immediately regret it. I want to give a disclaimer: "Not that you're too little. Your belly isn't little, it's just the right size. You're just a little person with a little baby in your appropriately-sized belly."
But that seems worse, doesn't it?
Anyway. This post was brought to you by my desire to never have anyone tell me about the size of my stomach.
And when in doubt, people, err on the side of "Oh my gosh, your belly is huge!" because I appreciate that much more.
And it least it gives me interesting anecdotes.