Oh hey. It's me again.
I feel like I should write some sort of follow-up. Like, "Hey, I said I had depression and here's how today is going."
But the truth is, I don't want to. Because today is going really well. And this weekend was lovely, not the least because my husband came home and took care of my kids so I could go get a pedicure and drink a caramel apple cider in a Barnes and Noble while reading a Real Simple that I definitely couldn't afford to actually buy.
I'm worried that some of you have taken off your green glasses and are looking at me as a whole new, sad, grey city- instead of the glorious Emerald City that I aspire to be. So stop that right now.
Put those glasses back on.
Because, I am generally happy. I am generally kind and patient. I have rough days and weeks, and so do we all. And some times, for many of us, the culprit for the hard times is depression.
Anyway. Here are some pictures from the week, and here is a story.
On Friday, when I was still alone with my kids, and I was still struggling to be happier and kinder - I was feeling really overwhelmed. So I decided to tackle a tiny mountain (whose peak I could actually see the top of), and I started doing dishes. My kids came barreling out of their room and they were LOUD. And they wanted things from me. And they started shouting and wrestling on the kitchen floor. And I opened my mouth to yell something like, "EVERYBODY BE QUIET."
But I stopped myself. And I started singing instead.
"There is sunshine in my soul today," (Even though it did not feel like it.) And by the time I had finished the first verse, my boys were standing quietly on either side of me.
"Are you singing Frozen?" asked Micah (because what else would someone sing?)
"No. I'm singing a hymn about Jesus," I said.
"Sing it again," said Grey.
So I sang.
There is sunshine in my soul today, more glorious and bright than glows in any earthly sky - for Jesus is my light! Oh, there's sunshine, blessed -
"Mom. Is Jesus the sun?"
And I found, there was sunshine in my soul after all. And I realized that singing had quieted my kids much quicker and more effectively than shouting had. And then I got to talk with Grey about how Jesus and the sun have a lot in common (life giving, etc.)
And I scaled that mountain of dishes like it weren't no thang.
The rest of my day was still bad and hard, I still cried a lot when my husband finally came home, and my kids resumed shouting not too much later.
But, I think one of my greatest strengths is short-term memory. So I blocked that nonsense out. And I'm not going to elaborate on it here.
I'm going to record and hold precious that one bright, shining moment from the day. And there is sunshine, blessed sunshine.
Even when skies are gray.
(Also, you may have noticed, there are two skipped days. I didn't make it to the camera those days... surprise, surprise.)