Family Conversations

Heres the truth: I write blog posts in my brain all the time. I am nearly always writing them out, thinking of funny things I want to tell you or remember.
But then I don't have any time.
Or I remember that the last time that I wrote on my blog was in May and if I'm reopening the blog- shouldn't it be for something important?
Then I think that I should finish updating you about our trip to Australia, or show you pictures from the Fourth of July, Halloween, and - by the way, I'm eight months pregnant.

So I don't end up writing anything, I just give my Instagram pictures extra long captions and pretend that counts as documenting my family's life.

But the file on my phone of funny things the boys have said is just getting TOO LONG!
I have quotes and conversations on my phone from March and April that I have never been shared! The last time I shared funny things my kids have said, my kids were still four.
Now they're kindergarteners who can read and count to 100, like tiny grown-ups.

So here you go. Family Conversations and a picture to boot:

Grey loves his toy owl, and she goes everywhere with him. Her name is Katie (and Grey also named his chicken Aunt Katie!)When his uncle Jack asked why nothing was named after him, Grey said "But Jack- I LOVE Aunt Katie so much, more than anyone!"
He was recently giving Micah instructions for babysitting Katie and said, "She's so easy to take care of, because she isn't messy. She doesn't even poop!" Then he carefully covered her "ears" and whispered, "She isn't really alive, but don't tell HER that!"
Another time he was swinging Katie in the hammock and announced, "Katie carries no weight at all, she's just stuffed with fluff!"

Grey: Where's Katie?
Micah: What Katie?
Grey: AUNT Katie.
Micah: Which Aunt Katie? Aunt Katie the human or Aunt Katie the chicken? There are starting to be too many Katies! Katie your owl, Katie the mom, Aunt Katie the chicken, Aunt Katie the aunt, and YOU! When you pretend to be Katie!
Grey: I am pretending to be Katie now!

Grey drank a large cup of milk in one draught, slammed his cup on to the table, leaned back and sighed "Ah! Alcohol!"
"Hey," I said, "What did you just say?"
He immediately looked really embarrassed. "Nothing. I said 'alcohol,' but THIS isn't alcohol. I wasn't pretending to drink alcohol, I was just thinking about people who drink alcohol."

Micah: His name is Skipper, he's a Fire Dog! That means, if you try to pet him- he gets so angry HE TURNS INTO FIRE. That's what 'Fire Dog' means.

Grey: Mom, I'm snuggling you SO HARD RIGHT NOW.

Grey: I see a face in the moon, I think it's the Moon Man!
Me: Does it help you sleep well, knowing he's watching over you?
Grey: It would, except how could he watch over me ALL night? Doesn't he ever sleep?
Me: He sleeps during the day, of course.
Grey: Oh, of course! Then yes!

Grey: Someday I'm going to be a dad.
Me: I know, and you're going to be amazing.
Grey: I really am going to be a good dad.
Me: What will you do to be a good dad?
Grey: Well, when my kids want to watch a movie, we'll watch a movie together. And when they want to play video games, we will play video games. And if they want to watch a show, we'll watch a show.
Me: Oh, so a good dad watches a lot of shows!
Grey: When his kids want to.
Me: What if your kids like to swim in a deep ocean?
Grey: Then a good dad would take them swimming, so I will! And sometimes Dads need breaks for sleeping and eating.
Me: True. What sort of things do good dads teach their kids?
Grey: Important things! Like listening to Heavenly Father, mostly. And nothing else.

Micah: I saw an American Indian by our house today.
Me: He's our neighbor, he's very nice. I bet he likes a lot of the same things as you. You can go meet him.
Travis: His name is Peyton.
Grey: SATAN?!

Grey: For the record, people should try NOT to drown.

Grey: When I'm done with breakfast, may I have a smidgen of snack cereal?
Me: No, you may not. But you did use the word smidgen correctly, so good job.
Grey: Great! Thanks!
(He was more excited about the compliment than the cereal.) 

Micah: Mom! I saw a gnome in your garden!
Me: A gnome! What did he look like?
Micah: A king!
Me: Was it a big king or a little king?
Micah: He was a Mouse King!

Grey (singing): I wish I had a body like Jesus and Heavenly Father! And I could wear the same clothes as they wear! I wiiiish I could be as BRIIIIGHT as them- it would be pretty good I think!
Micah: They're as bright as the sun!
Grey: They are!

Micah: Mom, do you know what's another word for my penis?
Me: No, what?
Micah: I'm not telling, I'm asking!

Micah: The only way I can go to sleep is to take sleep medicine. Then my eyes feel heavy until they drip closed.

Micah: Hello, what do you need my help with sister?
Me: Well, I brought down the dirty clothes, so I need you to start a load of laundry. And I'd like it if you could clean up the living room.
Micah: Okay, female.

Grey: I can share my handkerchief if I see someone crying, but not a stranger- just with pieces of our family.

Grey: I see a brown man, Micah!
Me: You know, it's not really important what color skin he has, honey.
Grey: Oh, I know. He belongs here too.

Grey: Your belly is getting fatter and fatter, Mom. I hope it's because you're growing a baby.

Travis was flying a toy airplane over to August, "Here comes your airplane!"
"Hey!" yelled Micah, "That's not his airplane! It's MY airplane!"
"Yeah," said Grey. "it's his gum holder!"
Travis flipped the plane over and discovered chewed gum stuck to the bottom.
Later he clarified, "This is where I stick my gum at night, so I can chew it in the morning."

Grey: This is my work-handkerchief. I use it when I'm working so hard that I need to wipe sweat off my face. Or if I need to wipe tears off my face because I'm sad that you're forcing me to work.

Grey: Look! We are both wearing gray pants!
Me: We must be twins!
Grey: We are not. Micah is my twin, and my brother. You are my mom, and we are just wearing matching pants.

Flight attendant: All boys?!
Grey: AND A MOM!

Micah: Grandpa Chris will take me fishing!
Grey: Who is Grandpa Chris?
Micah: You remember. He's married to Grandma Polly. He's the Grandpa like a bear!
Grey: He's not a bear. He just has a beardy face, but the body of a human.

Me: Micah, please leave August alone.
Micah: I don't know why he's crying! He usually likes to play with my tongue, but right now he doesn't want to.

Micah: Know what I see with my good eyesight? SO MANY CARS!
Travis: How many? Count them!
Micah: I think sixty.
Grey: Maybe forty.
Micah: No. Definitely sixty.

Micah: Want to know a secret? If you say "concrete," babies cannot talk. Grandpa Chris told me that.
Grey: He was trying to trick you. He's a trickster I think.

Me: What do you think of the name Moses?
Grey: Well, there's already a movie named Moses, so that could be confusing. People would say "Is that the baby Moses or the movie?"
Me: What about Kurt?
Grey: Again, that's a mans name already, so it would be confusing.
Me: What about Elias?
Grey: That sounds like a girls' name.
Me: What about Elliot?
Grey: Yeah! Elliot! That's a good one for a boy that no one has!

Grey: We could name the baby Streetwalker!
(Like "Skywalker," I think- but for Earthlings.) 

Grey: We are beach people now, right?
Me: Sure!
Grey: Dad's a Beach Loser, but we are Beach Winners!

Micah: Australia is very nice.
Me: It is nice, isn't it?
Micah: But you guys ARE NOT NICE.
Me: Oh, thanks.
Micah: No, I said not nice, Mom! I didn't say you were nice!

Me: Will you make us milkshakes?
Travis: I'm SO tired!
Grey: Daddy, Mom does everything. She just made us dinner.
Micah: You didn't even help her. You didn't do anything.

Micah: Grey is being a bully to me. And he said my heart is filled with anger, but right now it's filled with sadness!

Micah: Be careful in the ocean! I cannot live without my darling precious mother!

Micah: I'm drawing a picture of my dear. Not a deer, like an animal with antlers that lives in the woods- but a dear like "I love you, my dear."

Grey: We have to learn to skateboard so that we can skateboard on a skateboard!

Grey: Did you know that I have puppies named Grey and Micah, Micah?
Micah: Micah-Micah?
Grey: What? No. Micah, Micah. Just Micah.
Micah: Grey and Micah?
Grey: Exactly.

(Grey finished eating and was playing on the couch, while Micah and August finished dinner.) 
Micah: Am I doing a fine job of eating?
Me: Not really.
Micah: I'm just too instructed! August is so cute, he's the cutest boy in the world. I can't stop looking at him, I'm so instructed.
Me: Distracted.
Micah: Yes. And I really miss Grey. I miss him when he's gone.
Grey: I'm right here.
Micah: But you're not at the table with me, so I cannot eat.

Micah: This dinner is actually quite delicious!
Grey: Yes, it's SCRUMPTIOUS! Wait. What does scrumptious mean?
Me: Delicious to the taste.
Grey: It is scrumptious then, I was right.

Me: See how nice and clean your room is?
Micah: Hmm, it IS clean. But I like it better messy.
Me: I like it better clean! Then you can find all your toys and you have lots of room to spread out and play!
Micah: But when it's messy, and your toys are lost, you get to DIG for them!

Me: Tomorrow is Sunday.
Micah: I think I'm going to be sick then.

Grey: I'm writing in my book of remembrance, so I can never forget the things we say in Australia.

Micah: If this baby is a boy, let's name him Bravery. Bravery Pitcher. Bravery DeCon Pitcher. That sounds pretty good and pretty brave!

Grey: This is the scrumptiousest dinner I've ever eaten.

Micah: Ugh, Grey. Look! Yuck! Did you know that the longer you look at poop- the ickier and ickier it gets. I'm learning that right now.

Micah: Who wants to be a sugar burger girl?
Me: I don't know what that means.
Micah: It means you're a Sugar Queen in Witch Land and you love to eat sugar hamburgers!

James: What's your favorite dinosaur?
Grey: I don't like dinosaurs.
James: Your favorite dinosaur is the eucephalus.
Grey: Okay.
James: What are you drawing?
Grey: A treasure chest. And if you can guess what's inside, you'll get a prize!
James: There's a quetzacoatlus inside!
Grey: Um, yes. You win!
James: Hurray! Your favorite dinosaur must be a quetzacoatlus!

Me: Grey, be careful!
Grey: You don't have to worry about me. I can do my own safetys.

James: What dinosaur do you like most?
Micah: I don't like any. I like little, gentle animals. Like kittens and small chickens.

Micah: Do you know what James told me?! The long necked dinosaur likes to eat plants and not people!

Micah: Mom, do you know what Dudley from Harry Potter knows?
Me: No.
Micah: He knows that if he pretends to cry his mother will give him anything.
Me: That's true. Do I give you what you want when you cry?
Me: No!
Travis: That's because we don't want you to grow up and be like Dudley.
Micah: No way! He beats people with his smelting stick!

Me: Alright, Mr. Sassy Pants.
Micah: I'm not Mr. Sassy Pants! You're Sister Breast-Pants!

Grey: Do you know why I'm helping you so much?
Me: Why?
Grey: Because I hope it's a girl baby.
Me: Oh, will you help me less if we find out it's a boy?
Grey: Maybe, Mom. Maybe.... Maybe.... Yeah, I think if it's a boy, I'll help you just a little less.

Grey: August is poopy.
Me: Tell Daddy, he's outside with him.
Grey: I think he must already know. It's a very powerful poopy smell.

Grey: I can't find my California Brothers hat.
Me: Minnesota Twins?
Grey: Ah yes, that.

Grey: Brr! Roll up the windows, I'm freezing!
Me: No way! The fresh mountain air makes you stronger!
Grey: I think there's enough air in here, that if we shut the windows the air would be trapped and we could keep getting stronger.

Me: How's it going out there?
Grey: We are having awfully, milliony fun.

Grey: Ugh! There are bugs on me. I think they are females and they're trying to lay eggs on me!

Grey: I would like forty billion, million-hundreds of cherries.

Micah: How many Harry Potter books are there?
Me: Seven.
Micah: Does Harry kill Voldemort in number seven?
Me: Yes.
Micah: And then they have a party!

Me: Your room is so messy!
Micah: No, just a wee bit messy, I think.

Micah: Elanor, you're so beautiful. I think you're even beautiful when you wear very dirty clothes, or even if you had no clothes! You'd still be beautiful naked.

Grey: Elanor, when we are married, would you like to go fishing together?

Me: How was camping?
Micah: Good! It was as fun as being with Jesus!

Grey: Leaving Max's house is as sad as not going rock climbing for two years!

Micah: Get this harness off my temple!
Me: What?
Micah: My body is a temple.

Me: We are going to a park.
Grey: Have we been here before?
Me: Yes, but not since you were three, so you won't remember it.
Micah: I remember it!
Grey: I remember everything!
Micah: I remember those balloons!
Grey: I remember everything!
Micah: I remember that gray house!
Grey: I remember everything!
Micah: Why do you keep saying 'I remember everything?'
Grey: Because I remember everything!
Me: Okay! Here we are!
Grey: Huh. I don't remember THIS park.

Me: Micah, were you throwing mud at Milo?
Micah: Um. He didn't tell me, "I don't WANT to be muddy."

Grey: I wish I was a grown up so I could stay up as late as I want.
Travis: I wish I was a kid so I could eat candy and have nothing to worry about it.
Grey: Kids have lots of things to worry about.
Travis: What are you worried about?
Grey: Boy-eating foxes.

Micah: Do you know what a person-bomb is?
Me: No. What's a person-bomb?
Micah: When you love someone so much that you explode.

Travis: Do you have a crush on her?
Micah: No, I just like her accent. I'm not CRUSHED on her. But if I see her, I might even marry her.
Me: Do you know what it means to have a crush on someone?
Micah: No.
Me: It just means you like them, and think they're pretty and want to spend time with them.
Micah: Oh, that's all? Yeah- I do have a little crush on that Australian girl, then.

Micah: What are you thinking about, Mom? Harry Potter or how handsome Dad is? Which one?

Me: Do you know what the difference is between boys and girls?
Micah: Girls have the power to grow babies and boys have the priesthood power. And everyone has scripture power!
Grey: Not EVERYONE.
Micah: No. That's true. You only have scripture power if you read your scriptures. Also- girls have vaginas and boys have penises.
Me: Nailed it.

Me: I'm so proud of myself!
Micah: That means you're stiffnecked!

Grey: Can you even the heck see me?

Micah: Wow, August! You look like you come from a land of cool magicians, where it's so bright- that you need to wear sunglasses in the fields. By the way, fields are very bright because there are not trees to make shade.

Micah: We got to see real human blood today, but we didn't get to feel it.

Grey: Do you wish you had a nice, fat husband?
Me: Not really, I want your daddy as my husband- and he's not fat. So I want a skinny husband.
Grey: Yeah, but don't you wish he was a little more... snuggly?

Micah: Look, Mom! These two spiders are mating. And when they're done- the female will EAT the male! Awesome!

Grey: Our room is swollen with toys!

I tucked the boys into bed. Then less than a minute later, I went back into their room to grab something and Grey sighed "I'm just dropping off to sleep."

Grey was so cute apple picking. He kept saying "These apples will keep all winter! How lucky for us to gather apples that can last us through the year!"

The boys did my makeup and told me that I looked as beautiful as "a girl missionary" and the "painting artist Frida," and I looked like "a handsome baby."

The boys just did Rock Paper Scissors like this:
Micah: Think of one.
Grey: Okay. I have mine.
Micah: Mine was scissors. So I guess I win! Scissors cuts paper.
•long pause• 
Grey: I chose... rock.
Micah: What?
Grey: Rock smashes scissors, so I guess I win.
Micah: But... scissors cut paper.
Grey: I didn't choose paper.
Micah: You didn't choose paper?
Grey: Rock wins. I win.
Micah: Huh... I guess so.

Grey: I think we should have two more babies after this, so we have six kids.
Me: Maybe, but maybe just five.
Travis: I'm going with four.
Grey: Why don't you want more babies, Dad?
Travis: Well, it's a lot of work and money to have so many kids.
Micah: But babies make you happy, Dad. Don't you want our family to be more happy?

Me: I'm sorry! Did I bump you with my big fat belly?
Micah: You're not fat! Don't say that! You just have a growing baby inside of you and it makes your body huger. Hopefully the baby is fat for real, but you're not!
Me: Haha, thanks Micah. I hope our baby is fat too.
Micah: It would be so cute, if she's so fat with fat little cheeks and legs. But then, when she gets bigger- she'll probably be skinny like us.

Dave: Thanks for cleaning that game up, Micah!
Micah: When you are in the service of your fellow being, you're only in the service of your God.
Dave: Wow, that's right! That scripture is from the Book of Mormon.
Micah: Mosiah 2:17.

Grey: Wow! Look at all the spots and lines on your stomach from stretching to grow your babies. Your body is so amazing. I wish I could grow babies, too.

Grey: I want to open these tomatoes.
Me: Let's wait, we are almost home.
Grey: UGH! I just love tomatoes too much.
Micah: He can't even help it! He needs to open those tomatoes!

Micah: Well, I only felt the spirit ONCE at church today. So that was disappointing.

Micah: Mom! Aurora doesn't like ONIONS.
Me: What!? Only crazy people don't like onions!
Micah: Well, I'm crazy and I DO like onions!

Noelle: Well, I'm headed to the temple.
Micah: To look for a husband?
Noelle: No, but maybe I should, huh?
Micah: (Sigh). Husbands are hard to find. There aren't many husbands around here, they don't like it because it gets too cold in the winter. You should go somewhere warmer, like Australia.

Grey: When I'm a grown up, I think I will name my first son "August," after my cutest brother August. Then we'll have two Baby Augusts!
Me: That is very nice, but when you're a grown up, August will be a grown up, too. So you will have a Baby August and an Uncle August.
Grey: Oh yeah! I didn't even realize that. That's even better, because then we won't get confused!

Grey: I went and spoke very kindly to a brown man. I said, "Hello, what are you doing?" He said, "We are fixing rain gutters." And I was like, "I don't even know what rain gutters are!" That's my story, Mom.

Me: What are you thinking about?

August: Huh? Mountains, tunnels, and milk.  Mountains and Milk. Milk Mountains! 

Neighbor: How old are you?

August: Um... August. 

Neighbor: Your name is August?

August: Name is August. 

Neighbor: But how old are you? Two?

August: Two, three, four- August.  Yes. 

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