If you've been pregnant you may have noticed that everyone and anyone has advice, questions, and comments to make which are either completely inappropriate or seriously annoying. Here are some that I have heard, and my new favorite comebacks, which are very snarky and I can't always bring myself to actually say, even though I want to.
First, people have come up with several different ways of asking if I was using fertility drugs, including:
"Are they natural?"
"Were you guys using In Vitro?"
"Were you trying for twins?" (this is my favorite way for people to ask, because it's so ridiculous. You can't try for twins.)
and "Do twins run in your family, or are they, you know, caused by other things?"
Are you asking if we were on fertility drugs? I am very fertile.
"You don't look big enough to be five months pregnant with twins."
How big should I be?
(Then I want to add: There are two appropriately-sized babies in me, so clearly I'm the right size.)
Better you than me.
Thank goodness they're both boys.
Yes, I hate girls.
Too bad they're not boy/girl twins.
Maybe we'll just fix one right after they're born.
Twins are twice as hard.
Twice as awesome.
Wow, it'll be hell to deliver them.
They better be worth it, huh?
I hope your husband has a good job.
If he can't provide, can I count on you to help us out?
Will you circumcise them?
We're thinking of circumcising one and not the other as a social experiment.
And now, please help me come up with snappy remarks for these:
"At least you're not having triplets or quads."
(Seriously? I hear this almost daily. It's like they're saying "twins sucks, but it could be even worse.")
"Congratulations, and I'm sorry."
(always said with a chuckle, like they think they're very clever)
"There's no way you can breastfeed twins!"
(I can and I will! Wet nurses used to feed up to six kids at once, what's a third of that?)
Also, several people have felt the need to tell me about powerhouse women they know, which always make me feel kind of weak, horrified, and defensive about my capabilities.
Like Kaylie's Aunt-in-law who RAN A MARATHON in her third trimester with twins. Non-human. Right? It can't be real.
It just can't be.
Watch this video where the ladies talk like robots. I like it.
My favorite lines:
"I know a lady who has triplets."
Because already I feel like that a little.
Not that I don't want to hear about you, but everyone wants to tell me that they know someone with multiples.
And I have no response, except "...awesome."
Also, please do not say to me, "Wow, that's going to be hard!" "It's just going to get worse!" "You're going to go crazy!" or "How are you going to survive?"
I already say these things to myself all the time.
I only want to hear nice things from the rest of you like "That's awesome!" "Congrats!" "You're going to be a great mom!" and "I'm so jealous! I love twins!"
So far you've all been doing pretty good, though.