Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Battle Scars

My body is awesome.

It carried two babies to 35 weeks and 5 pounds each.

It makes enough milk to feed two babies completely and help them gain weight.
(As of yesterday, Grey weighed 7lbs 4oz, and Micah weighed 6lbs 13 oz -so both are just shy of two pounds up from their birth weights)

Within a week of my babies being born, I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight (if not quite my pre-pregnancy shape).

And somehow my body manages to subsist on about 6 hours of sleep per 24 hours, gotten in increments of 1 to 2 hours.

Sunday my 13-year old brother caught a glimpse of the stretch marks on my hips.
"You know what's gross?" he said, and he lifted the edge of my shirt to reveal my stomach. "Um, this is. And this is gross. And this is gross."
He pointed to the stretch marks on my hips and my stomach and the linea nigra that still darkens my belly button.

Maybe he's right.

But every time I look in the mirror I find myself thinking "You are awesome, self. You rock, body."

I have battle scars and always will, but my body did something impossibly hard and I am not embarrassed by the way I look.

So many people push their bodies to look a certain way, not because it's healthy, not because they want to be strong or fit and not so it can accomplish something amazing.
They do it so they look good.

I am not bluffing when I say that I would rather have my scarred, gross, mushy-soft-bellied body than anyone else's.

Oh, and I LOVE my c-scetion scar. I pretty much show it to anyone who acts even remotely interested in the boys' birth story.
It's just a faint little red line about 6 inches below my belly button.
No one but me, and maybe Travis, would ever see it if I didn't pull down my pants to show it off every day.

But really.
My body went through hell.
And it was up to the challenge. I'm really proud of how awesome I was at being pregnant.

And it makes me wonder, those of you who have had babies (and especially mothers of multiples, or c-section veterans) how do you feel about your post-baby bod?
Do you wish that your c-section scar was gone or your stretch marks would fade?
Or are you in the same school of thought as me?

(Oh, and if you haven't seen how ginormous I was, check out the pics {here} and {here})

(Aaaand, check out my re-posting of this on Spearmint Baby today)



Christy said...

I was totally amazed by my body after my first body-but my twin pregnancy (I'm 35 weeks right now) has left me in awe. I can't believe there are two babies in there-and that I can still move! My skin had a good stretch with my first baby so I don't have many marks yet, but I am excited to get bigger. It means my girls are getting big and healthy:) I love reading your blog-it is good prep for me:) If you ever can't think of what to write about-would you share about these first weeks of breastfeeding? Can you feed them at the same time? Do you feel like you just feed the babies constantly? I'm a littler nervous about feeding two-and it sounds like you're a pro!

Kayleigh said...

i love this post. not pregnant. never have been (the whole not married thing kind of makes that an impossibility right now). but this post is fantastic. i love how sure you are of yourself and your body. it's contagious. bodies really can do amazing things, and i think we so often forget it.

sienna said...

wow! i need a little more of your good attitude and confidence. i've never really thought of myself as vain, but i guess i am, because honestly, i haven't adjusted to my post-baby body and every day i miss my old body. my skin is super stretched out still and my c-section scar really bothers me. i like the idea of having another baby, but selfishly, i'm not sure i want to put my body through that again.

Nana B said...

I am amazed at how big the boys are getting. You must have really good milk. I loved the photo from yesterday. I can't wait to get there, just a little over a month now. And you ladies of today that have c section births are so lucky, my scar goes from belly button to pubic bone, with a little "y" at the top cuz there were 2, and then I have an appendix scar next to that and then a really big ugly gall bladder scar, my tummy looks like a railroad station. But all in all not too bad for an old lady.

tammy said...

Women's bodies are pretty amazing and what they are capable of is spectacular. I love my body and I am also proud of it but sorry I did not get one stretch mark and I did not have a c-section so if someone were to see me naked they would never know I had two kids so I cannot relate to you on that but I do love my body and I love what it has done and what it is capable of.
I did however have 2 kids without any pain numbing drugs and I am very proud of that. It was really hard and painful but my body did what it was supposed to do and acted superbly.
Your body is amazing I agree. It carried two babies for you and bounced back like a champ. Good job Becky's body!

Brittany said...

YAY! I love my new body and c-section scar too. I know so many women look at theirs as defeat, but I look at mine as a constant reminder that my life and the life of my girls were spared. I've never been more grateful for a mark on my body. It freaking rocks. I love every single stretch mark on my belly too because they are reminders that my body carried twins. Something I never thought was possible. Yep, I love every single one.

I know I said I was taking a break on my blog, but really it's only a break of the dumb blogs and my own. Yours definitely doesn't fall into that category, so I'll continue to read away. :)

Kandice Breinholt said...

i just happened upon your blog and HAD to follow because i often find myself wondering what it would be like to have twins. i would love that and i'm so interested in women and families who have had twins. this is the first blog i've found where i can kinda look into that lifestyle. i'm particularly curious about the pregnancy so i need to go read up on that after this.

i love the photos you linked to in this post. i swear i was stopped at about your third or fourth-from-the-end picture at full term.

i just had my precious baby natalie eight weeks ago. sure, babies are adorable and everything thinks so but it's always special to me to find another mommy blogger like myself who actually KNOWS just... HOW special it really is. nothing prepares you. AND YOU HAVE TWO! so much room in our hearts {if they don't consume it completely} it's incredible.

as for these "battle scars" of which you speak. i gained a WHOLE 60 pounds while pregnant. it was a little hard on me at first and i wasn't doing anything and just ate and ate and gained my first 30 within the first two months. it was terrible. needless to say, i have stretch marks allll over my body {still after eight weeks} and i've lost half of the weight so far and working diligently on the rest. i was a walking stretch mark. not little baby ones either but GIGANTIC ones. haha i don't much mind them anymore but since they're totally all over my body, breasts, legs down to calves, arms, back, bottom... and they're dark... it gets a little hard sometimes. especially when i was getting them. you see, i never had a stretch mark anywhere beforehand so it was all new territory for me.

im glad to hear you're proud of yours. you're right, our bodies are insane for going through what they go through with this.

so tell me... how was it having two babies kick at once? would it make you have to stoop what you were doing? or was it fine?

stop by my blog and say hello sometime :)
follow too if you'd like.
we'd love to have you around.
like i said, mommy bloggers are the best.

MrsNYC said...

I love this post! Believe there are days when I can't stand the way my belly looks in clothes but then I remind myself what an amazing accomplishment it is that I carried two amazing souls into this world and I wouldn't change it for the world!

Thank you for reminding me that I rock for going 37.5 weeks to bring these 2 little rockstars into the world.

check out my blog I just started!

Anonymous said...

You are awesome! Not only for going through what you did, but being proud of it! Same here...not twins, but c-section plus serious stretch marks...everywhere! I call them my mommy marks!

kaylie jean. said...

I seriously have been thinking about this very thing since I had Gabe. I have so much respect for my body now, which is interesting because i used to be so critical of it. I was going to post about this too, and I probably still will, because it's a pretty awesome thing to feel this way about yourself and your body.

Therese said...

I love this post! I didn't have twins, but I am covered in stretch marks from my knees straight up to my mid torso and all over my belly and hips from my pregnancy. At first I was devastated. Now I have too much else to worry about!

When I was pregnant, I was working in a daycare in the preschool room and one of the little girls was poking my belly and asking me if I had my stripes yet? I wasn't sure what she was getting at, so I asked what she meant and she said when girls have babies they get their stripes. Later, the head teacher mentioned it to her mother and her mom said that one day she was getting out of the shower and the daughter saw her and exclaimed "MOM Where did you get those beautiful stripes!" It made me feel less worried about what I would look like after, at least I know 3 year old Sophie would think my belly was awesome hahaha.

melifaif said...

YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! I heart you for writing this and putting it out there. Loud and proud. I am not small. I am not large. But, I am proud of everything my body accomplished and the fact that I was able to assist God in creating a wonderful HUMAN being. That is amazing. I wish more women could appreciate that simple fact. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Your babes are so precious. As are you.

Julia said...

Hello! I just stumbled across your blog and it caught me by surprise. This may sound weird but I've always felt I will have twins (you know THAT feeling?) and that one will be named Grey. And you have beautiful twin boys, one named Grey.
I'm in love with your blog, your style, your softness.
Thanks for sharing!

you're new blog stalker

Samantha said...

I love this post. I've been working this year on being proud of my body. You have the attitude that I'm working on having, and I admire you greatly for having the confidence that you do. Thanks for writing.

Anjelica said...

I was just blog hopping and found your blog. This post was amazing! Your view about you body is incredible! I think that you are beautiful, Your attitude is so great and refreshing. I'm not a mom, but it's nice to think of what our bodies can do and how resilient they are. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, they are inspiring and uplifting :)

Liz said...

You are right, your body looks AMAZING!!Mine, not so much.
But I do agree, I am completely in awe of the human body, particularly a womans, I too, carried twins to 37.5 weeks and they were happy and healthy 5lb 12 and 6lb 11 on delivery.
Each stretch mark is a testament to the effort and hard work involved in their gestation! The Pelvic Displaysia, the heartburn, the constant kicking and the ability to grow and nourish 2 beautiful little souls at the same time. My twin Pregnancy was my second , and I am pregnant again, my twins are coming up 12 months. Glutton for punishment, or dedicated and proud Mumma?
Good on you!!

able mabel said...

This is one of the best posts I've read in a long time. So often we look at the outside of our bodies and forget to think about what goes on in the inside. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing!

Jaclyn said...

I have two children (singles 2.5 years apart). The first was a vaginal, the second an emergency c-section just 10 months ago. My scar is raised, bright red, and 7 inches long. Sacrifice makes things sacred and my scar is sacred to me because it is a constant reminder of the sacrifice my body made in order to save my son. Seriously. I laid my body on an operating table and sacrificed it to the scalpel for my son's life. I love my scar and the reminder it is to me of what my son and I went through together.

BCausey said...

Just found your blog. Love it! You say everything (almost) I feel, but don't have the guts to say (in public anyway). I have 6 kids, the last 2 were twin girls. The twins are almost 3 now. Great job on breastfeeding! I encourage you to stick with it. We have done great with it. If you need positioning tips, feel free to send me a message. I am a total advocate of breastfeeding. I didn't really want a c-section, but the day they were born, it became apparent they needed to come out. Now. So, we did what was necessary. My body also has battle scars, but each one is a testament of my love.