These adorable pictures are unrelated to this post, except that they are of my kids:
I can pretty much have this conversation by myself, although I am forced to have it with several people a day. You know... librarians, grocers, random people that we pass on walks.
My side of the conversation goes like this:
Yep, they're twins.
They are our first (and second!) kids.
Grey and Micah.
No, GREY, not Greg. Grey, like the color.
With an E
With an E
They're seven months.
Five weeks early.
Five pounds, and five and a half.
Just two and a half weeks in the hospital.
No, twins don't run in the family.
No, we weren't trying for twins.
Yep, a complete surprise.
BOTH my hands are full.
(A laugh, to humor them.)
Yes, they're very good boys.
Oh really, how old are the twins that your sister / neighbor / friend has?
Ah, well. They're getting tired, so I'd better get going.
Here is the number one joke that we hear (literally, almost every day):
"Were they having a two-for-one special? A-huh-huh-huh!"
Good one, stranger.
I get it, because we're in Costco, right?
Or... um, at the grocery store.
It seems less funny at the park, but if you feel the need to say it then I guess you must say it.
On a pretty regular basis people try to tell me that they're sorry for me, too.
Here's some advice: Don't apologize to people about their own children. Apologize for YOUR children, if they're causing trouble. Don't say "Twins? Man, I'm sorry."
We actually really like them. Good thing you didn't get them, huh?
Also, people like to take me by the shoulders, give me a little shake and say "Things. Will. Get. Better. They will. I promise."
Umm. Okay. Thanks? They're pretty good now. I mean, the boys sleep through the night. They hardly every cry. They laugh at all my jokes.
They say "You are a zombie now, but soon you'll sleep."
"I'm okay now, actually," I say.
"No," they insist. "You are exhausted."
"Well, thanks for letting me know."
People are strange.
I mean, do you guys see twins in the store and make a bee-line for them?
We have people cross the street to come get a better look at them, and use the two-for-one joke on us.
Like we've never heard it before.
Well we have.
It's not that funny.
And give us a vote please! They reset the numbers! And I'd nearly cracked the top ten! What a bummer...