Friday, March 15, 2013

Twins


I have about 50 posts with the title "Twins."
But sometimes I can't help it. They're twins. I love it. I rejoice in their twinness. Some singleton moms (that's the rest of you, non-twin-havers - or triplet-havers, quad-havers, etc) anyway, some of you roll your eyes at me or are offended when I say that twins are harder than one baby.
And obviously, every baby is different and some single babies are as hard (or harder) than twins.
But strangely, just as many of you are shocked or think I'm stupid when I say I think I'd rather have twins than one baby.
Sometimes, I do wonder if I'd be disappointed to only have one baby.

I mean, newborn twins is freaking hard work and if you think that one regular ol' newborn is as hard as twins - YOU ARE WRONG, but there's nothing, nothing quite like seeing these boys together.
Watching them learn from and about each other. Watching them grow up with a best friend and a soulmate already by their side.
Every time they hold hands, every time they cry because they miss each other, every time one gets hurt - and his brother rushes to comfort and help him
the memories of those sleepless nights are even more distant and less important.
Oh, how it's worth it! Thank goodness I have these boys, and thank goodness I have them together.

When the boys were about 6 months old (so we still rarely, if ever, had a night of sleep) a friend confided that she was pregnant with twins. She was scared, she was worried. She and her husband both cried at the ultrasound - and not from joy.
And I nearly exploded with giddy excitement for her.
Oh, I want all my children to be twins!
I told her. You'll love it. I'm so happy for you. 

And I think part of her thought I was lying. Or crazy. Or obviously not the norm.  Because normal, sane women who value sleep and "free time" and not-being-poor couldn't possibly feel that way.
But she texted me recently and asked, "Are you ever worried that you'll be disappointed to have more children that aren't twins?"

Because she understands now. Twins aren't an extra struggle. They aren't a punishment for tired moms.
Twins are the prize. They're winning the lottery.
And sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I'm tired and frustrated. Sometimes I lay down on the floor after the boys go to bed and cry.
But most days are good.
And all that good sure makes the hard worth it.

When I was first pregnant, I didn't know a single woman with twins. Not one.
(Now I'm surrounded, and I meet and see twin-moms almost every day. We find each other.)
All I had were moms of single-babies, and all the they told me (all day long) was, I'm sorry.
That's so hard. You won't sleep. You'll be a zombie. The first two years will be a blur. How expensive. How tiring. How hard, hard, hard. What a trial.

STOP. DO NOT SAY THAT. 
Are you listening to me?
Stop telling women that their lives are going to be hard.
I used to cry myself to sleep, because I was so scared.   I didn't know any better.

I didn't know yet how good things would be. I didn't realize that moms of one baby cannot possibly imagine twins. They can't. So don't let them tell you what it will be like.
IT DOES NOT MATTER if they have 9 kids.
If they had all their kids 10 months apart.
If they are twins. (They don't remember being babies.)

That mom does not know. So don't let her scare you.

This turned into a rant. When all I really meant to show you was this:


The boys have different haircuts now. It makes me sad and happy all at once.
They look less alike and more themselves. Maybe people don't immediately realize they're twins now.
But they are. They are twins.
And man. Twins are seriously the best thing in the world.


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14 comments:

Bethany G said...

You should be a motivational speaker! I'm totally tryin' for some twins now!!!! :)
Seriously though, I think it's amazing... they'll have each other for forever.

Nikki Olmstead said...

your boys are so cute! I found your blog through instagram I think and started following you because you have twins.
I have twin boys who will be 2 in a few weeks.
I totally agree that unless you have twins you cannot understand what it's like. Just like I cannot imagine what it would be like with just one kid. I sometimes imagine it would be so much easier but it seems like it would be kinda boring.
I was so happy to have twins. Twin kids one pregnancy instant siblings.
I might have had easy babies but I thought the newborn stage was the easiest time. NOW it's the complete opposite and so so so extremely hard in my opinion. Because they can walk, they get into everything, they are picky eaters. You can't just let them crawl around and play and give them a bottle anymore!
I hear from most people kids get easier as they get older but for me that has not been the case. To me it is just so crazy and demanding. Of course being a mother always is...I'm just finding it really is the opposite of what most people have told me...I guess most people without twins.
And I'm having another boy in June. This should be fun. haha

Betsy Hite Reddoch said...

When I found out I was having twins I cried for joy. I was never really scared about parenting twins when I was pregnant. And the first year was pretty easy for us. I loved that first year. The second year was HARD (mainly due to their speech delays). The third year has been almost disaster so far for various reasons. But I really think we'll be past the really physically and emotionally hard part soon. That said, I totally enjoy my boys. But I don't want to have twins again. I might not want any more kids period. We're on the fence. Twins are hard but awesome.

Molly B said...

Love this post! I am a twin momma to two year old boys and I totally agree! They are the best things that we have ever been blessed with. Amazing little creatures that we made, we made and protect TWO babies in our bellies- pretty freaking sweet if you ask me!

Mandey Ejiasi said...

You know, I feel bad saying this a lot of times but for me, twins aren't really that difficult. Maybe it's because I was blessed with an inhuman amount of patience. I don't know. But I feel like I'm bragging or something because I don't think it's really that hard. I think would be easier having twins than having kids of two different ages. These guys do everything together. Same schedules, same developmental milestones.

Maybe I have easy twins? They are pretty laid back. I don't know. But 2 at once is all I know, so this is my normal. Other moms, 1 is all they know and that's the normal for them, that's where they rate their difficulty factor.

Anyways. Twins are awesome. And contrary to popular belief, I do sleep pretty well.

Michelle said...

You have left me with nothing to say except I stand right there beside you in the twinness and totally agree. I have a singleton after my twins and being honest with you I really wish it had of been twins again. Even though that thought gets met with strong objection. I would have adored it. After the elation twins bring I was so sad at the ultrasound I was carrying only one. Only another twin Mum can understand that. But I am enjoying all the things that can happen with just one at a time. Your boys are very handsome. But I do like Micah's hair better. I love that they looked exactly the same and couldn't tell them apart. Something only twins can do!

MARCIE said...

I love Bethany's comment! So cute and funny. And you are a nut, a raving crusader. The nice thing is that every mother thinks their baby is the BEST, whether it is a single or a double. Twins are unique and we all love watching them in duplicate. Yours are going incognito now. Love you (even tho you are only a single) and them!

Brenda said...

Thank you so much for this post! I have been following your blog ever since I found out I was pregnant with twins in October. I have 2 girls (4 & 2) and I was NOT happy to find out #3 had brought along #4, but the idea has slowly grown on me and now I'm really excited about it, due in large part to reading your blog. So thanks for this post and thanks for your blog. You've really helped me over these last few months.

Amanda said...

Ha! I was crying for MONTHS when I find out I was having twins, and all from sadness! I knew nothing of twins, and I was scared! Now, I love that I had two at once. I love seeing them together! I love watching them play and learn (sometimes even their fighting is funny). I always tell other twin mums how great it is and never make them feel like they've been lumped with the worst!

Suki said...

I love this post even though I am a singleton mom ;)
I want twins NOW!!
These boys are so lucky to have you as their mom!

Kelli said...

What a great post!

My oldest son was 16 months old when we found out that our 2nd pregnancy was twins. I'm the first to admit that we were not excited about it. It was such a weird feeling - loving these 2 little people fiercely and yet wishing that I could have them one at a time instead of together. I think more than anything I was scared because I knew how much work one baby was, and I couldn't wrap my head around how much work TWO was going to be.

But they're 18 months old now and although it's been hard, it's also been AMAZING. You're right. We DID win the lottery! :)

The haircuts are darling. My boys are fraternal and have very different hair - same color, but different textures. My Dad asked me the other day why I cut one of them shorter and left the other long. I just looked at him (with this weird look on face, I'm sure) and said, "Um, because they're different people? It just suits each of them." Funny how as they grow older their individuality shines through. Sad to think about, but their bond always cheers me right back up. :)

Emily said...

I cried for months after finding out I was having twins because I was so scared! I didn't think I could be the Momma they needed me to be, I didn't think I had the strength to care for two infants.

My girls are 1 now and it IS like winning e lottery. My husband and I will watch them play sometimes and look and each other and ask how we got so lucky. That being said, I really hope baby number 3 (whenever that is) is a singleton. I would love to experience both sides.

Crump it up! said...

I feel like the creeper who blogstocks you, so I'll finally leave a comment.

I have a 16 month old son and a 2 month old daughter and I HATE pregnancy. I told my husband that if he wants another kid he better pray for twins, and I think I was serious about actually praying for it. He looked at me like I was crazy and asked how we would manage twins. I keep saying something similar to this post, but he just thinks I'm crazy. Well, maybe I am, I'm so set on having twins that I've considered taking Clomid...yeah I guess that makes me crazy!

CMB said...

Thank you so much for this post! I have 4 month old twins and I am in the SO HARD and SO sleep deprived stage! So....to know it gets easier and is so rewarding is fabulous to know =) You are right. We won the lottery :) Lots of people tell me we're lucky, but a lot of people say they couldn't handle it also. Heck I can't handle it a lot of the time, BUT you just do...I honestly didn't think about how hard it would be when I was pregnant...I was oblivious...