Friday, March 15, 2013
I have about 50 posts with the title "Twins."
But sometimes I can't help it. They're twins. I love it. I rejoice in their twinness. Some singleton moms (that's the rest of you, non-twin-havers - or triplet-havers, quad-havers, etc) anyway, some of you roll your eyes at me or are offended when I say that twins are harder than one baby.
And obviously, every baby is different and some single babies are as hard (or harder) than twins.
But strangely, just as many of you are shocked or think I'm stupid when I say I think I'd rather have twins than one baby.
Sometimes, I do wonder if I'd be disappointed to only have one baby.
I mean, newborn twins is freaking hard work and if you think that one regular ol' newborn is as hard as twins - YOU ARE WRONG, but there's nothing, nothing quite like seeing these boys together.
Watching them learn from and about each other. Watching them grow up with a best friend and a soulmate already by their side.
Every time they hold hands, every time they cry because they miss each other, every time one gets hurt - and his brother rushes to comfort and help him
the memories of those sleepless nights are even more distant and less important.
Oh, how it's worth it! Thank goodness I have these boys, and thank goodness I have them together.
When the boys were about 6 months old (so we still rarely, if ever, had a night of sleep) a friend confided that she was pregnant with twins. She was scared, she was worried. She and her husband both cried at the ultrasound - and not from joy.
And I nearly exploded with giddy excitement for her.
Oh, I want all my children to be twins!
I told her. You'll love it. I'm so happy for you.
And I think part of her thought I was lying. Or crazy. Or obviously not the norm. Because normal, sane women who value sleep and "free time" and not-being-poor couldn't possibly feel that way.
But she texted me recently and asked, "Are you ever worried that you'll be disappointed to have more children that aren't twins?"
Because she understands now. Twins aren't an extra struggle. They aren't a punishment for tired moms.
Twins are the prize. They're winning the lottery.
And sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I'm tired and frustrated. Sometimes I lay down on the floor after the boys go to bed and cry.
But most days are good.
And all that good sure makes the hard worth it.
When I was first pregnant, I didn't know a single woman with twins. Not one.
(Now I'm surrounded, and I meet and see twin-moms almost every day. We find each other.)
All I had were moms of single-babies, and all the they told me (all day long) was, I'm sorry.
That's so hard. You won't sleep. You'll be a zombie. The first two years will be a blur. How expensive. How tiring. How hard, hard, hard. What a trial.
STOP. DO NOT SAY THAT.
Are you listening to me?
Stop telling women that their lives are going to be hard.
I used to cry myself to sleep, because I was so scared. I didn't know any better.
I didn't know yet how good things would be. I didn't realize that moms of one baby cannot possibly imagine twins. They can't. So don't let them tell you what it will be like.
IT DOES NOT MATTER if they have 9 kids.
If they had all their kids 10 months apart.
If they are twins. (They don't remember being babies.)
That mom does not know. So don't let her scare you.
This turned into a rant. When all I really meant to show you was this:
The boys have different haircuts now. It makes me sad and happy all at once.
They look less alike and more themselves. Maybe people don't immediately realize they're twins now.
But they are. They are twins.
And man. Twins are seriously the best thing in the world.