Recently we had friends over for dinner. I finished eating first and offered to feed their three-month old. When the mom handed me the baby's bottle, Micah looked completely baffled. "But Mom," he said, "You have breasts."
Thank you for knowing how babies eat. You're amazing.
A little later, Travis was telling a story to the adults and said, "He really just wanted to milk me for a sponsorship."
Grey whispered to me, horrified, "Mom, how can a man milk another man? Men don't even make milk!"
No, indeed, they don't.
Grey: Will we still be twins, even when we are grownups and we separate to live in different houses?
Micah: Someday, when I'm a grownup and my wife has a baby, maybe I'll come visit you by myself- while she's in the hospital.
Me: Or maybe I'll come visit you, so I can see the baby and help take care of you.
Micah: I have a good idea! Maybe you could even be the grandma, if you want to.
Grey: When I am a grown up, and I want to go on a date with my wife- I'll probably let you be the babysitter.
Me: Wow, what an honor. Thank you.
Grey: Just PROBABLY. I'll ask some other people too, sometimes. You won't ALWAYS get to babysit.
(Grey was sitting shirtless:)
Grey: People will think "He has an invisible shirt on."
Me: That probably won't be their first thought.
Grey: But their second thought, maybe.
Me: I love you, you guys are my favorite.
Micah: Wow, thank you! That's a kind thing to say!
Me: I just want to kiss you all day.
Grey: I wouldn't mind some kissing, thanks.
Micah: I just want to hold all the cute, snuggly things!
Me: Like what? Animals?
Micah: BABY animals! Like a very cute baby dinosaur.
Lady at the park: I like your cape. You must be a superhero.
Micah: I am not. I am a boy, but I'm pretending to be Robin Hood.
Micah (whispering from around the corner, in an accent): And the sneakiest child in the home is Micah Pitcher.
Me: Let's snuggle all day.
Micah: No. Get up. You have WORK to do!
Grey: Happy Birthday! (I'm talking to myself.)
Grey and Micah (shouting out the window): HEY LOSERS!
Travis: Hey! That is never okay to say.
Grey: We just said... Lasers.
Micah: I said Lizards. "Hey Lizards!"
Micah: Ham and Cheese, please!
Me: I'm not making you a sandwich. You can have some cheese, or a piece of bread and jam- but that's as close as you'll get.
Micah: Hmm. Okay. How about a piece of bread with a little bit of mayonnaise and cheese on it? And then another piece of bread with ham on it. And then, maybe I'll put them together and try to be happy with that.
Me: Not happening.
Micah: Did you know I was trying to trick you into making me a sandwich?
Travis: You need to help your mom today and a good place to start it by cleaning your room.
Micah: I'm not going in there! It's a pig-hole!
Micah: Mom, the Holy Ghost told me that Heavenly Father will always help me.
Me: That's true, I'm glad you're listening to the Holy Ghost.
Micah: So where is he? I'm ready for him to start by helping clean my room.
Me: Well, he won't clean your room for you. Heavenly Father helps you by making your body strong enough to do it yourself.
*** (Five minutes later)***
Micah: Mom, quick! Come see! Jesus helped me clean my room, that I could do it SO fast!
(Driving on "the other side of the tracks," near the Trax station in downtown Salt Lake.)
Grey: I've never been down here. It's dark and scary though.
Me: Please don't walk across the garden beds.
Grey: But this is the Red Sea! And Moses and his people HAVE to cross the Red Sea, and I AM MOSES!
Micah: We will live in this house forever and never move again.
Me: Maybe I will live here forever, but in thirteen years- I bet you guys move out.
Me: Hmm, where do you think you'll go?
Grey & Micah: TO FIND WIVES!
Me: Um, no. That's not what I meant! When you're 18 you'll probably leave to serve missions and teach people about Jesus. And then when you come home, you can go to college and then get married.
Micah: Because college is the place to find wives?
Grey: Is that where you found Daddy?
Me: That is where I found Daddy, but that's not the purpose of college.
Grey: Are there so many women at college that want to be wives?
Me: Well, there are many women at college, and maybe some want to get married- but people don't go to college to get married, they go to learn.
Micah: If I find a girl that I want to marry, I will say "Do you want to be married to me and be a wife?" and she will say "yes" or "no," and then I will either marry her or not marry her.
Grey: You will only marry her if she says yes. It's not good to have a wife that doesn't want to marry you.
Micah: Things are all made of the same things. But I don't remember what things!
Grey: Please help meeeee. Pleeeease.
Me: I'm not going to help you. You can do it.
Grey: But this is the reason mothers are on earth! To help their children!
Grey: I know one of your wishes.
Grey: You don't want to wipe my butt.
Me: You're correct.
Grey: I know all of your wishes. I know everything you wish for.
Me: Okay, what else?
Grey: You know. They're yours. I'm not saying anymore.
Grey: I don't like the color blue.
Me: You must! Blue is the color of the sky and water, and your eyes!
Grey: Well I can't see my own eyes, so that's why I don't like it!
Grey: Heavenly Father, please help me to do so much kindness and goodness so that Mom can have a girl baby.
Grey: Do you hate your mom?
Me: No! I love her the most of anyone in the whole world, except you guys.
Grey: Oh Mom, and yourself. You need to love and care about yourself too.
Micah: And Jesus, Mom. You should love him more than you love anyone else- even us.
Micah: I was very cross!
Grey: Cross means angry.
Micah: I know. We're good at using our own words.
Micah: But Grey! Mom asked us to do this, we are letting her down.
Grey: No! I will let her UP!
Micah: WE WONT LET YOU DOWN, MOM!
Micah: GREY HOW ARE YOU? ARE YOU FINE?
Micah: YOUR LEGS ARENT FINE!
Me: What's wrong with your legs?
Micah: THEY ARE BROKEN!
Micah: If you're being so mean to us- MAYBE YOU SHOULD LIVE IN THE MOUNTAINS BY YOURSELF. But, I guess, you'd get lonely. Maybe we'll pick you up on Sunday and bring you to church, so you can learn to be nice again. And then, if you're good- you can come back home with us afterward.
Grey: You're already dressed!
Me: No, I'm just wearing pajamas.
Grey: And who FORCED you into those pajamas?
Micah: UGH! I hate this Stewart book, it's so boring, it's making me sicker and sicker!
Micah: Mom, what are vitamins?
Me: Vitamins are like medicine, but you take them to help your body stay strong instead of taking them when you're already sick.
Micah: I guess I should have taken my vitamins. If I had taken them, would I never be sick like this again?
Micah: Looking at a picture of Elanor makes me more and more miss her. Just like looking at chocolate chips makes me more and more want to eat them.
Me: I need you to be such hard workers, and if we have another baby in our family-
Grey: We'll have one more person to help us work!
Micah: I found my sweater! It has been haunted many times by mysterious monsters. And if we unzip this, something will fly out into somebody's face- AND IT COULD BE YOUR FACE, DAD. So be careful.