NICU Nurses

Okay, so yesterday I was feeling a little stir-crazy and annoyed.
But I don't want to give the impression that I hate the NICU Nurses, because -for the most part- I love the NICU Nurses.
They take care of my babies. They are really, really good at what they do. They know a lot about my babies, and all babies in general.
They are calming, and soothing and really patient with me when I spend forty-five minutes questioning them about exactly what they're measuring, and what bilirubin are, and why the boys are or are not sucking their pacifiers and what that means.
Some of the nurses, especially, are very good at making me feel like I'm not only not in the way, but also that it's important that I'm there.

Since I think it's important that someone is monitoring their oxygen intake and pulse and temperature, but I think it's equally important that someone is mothering and nurturing and snuggling and reading and singing to the boys.
And some of the nurses clearly don't feel that way.
But some of them do.
And those nurses are my favorite.

The nurses yesterday who were trying to force me to go home were not even my boys' nurses.  My boys' nurses sit and talk with me.
They know why I'm there, and I'm confidant that if they think I should go home then they will tell me to go home and not try to intervene with the charge nurse unless I'm out of control.
The nurses who were trying to force me out were nurses who overheard me talking to Travis about sleep, and then decided to jump into the room and boss me around.
Those nurses I do not love.
My nurses I love.
I love Grey and Micah's nurses.

And I love that such nice ladies are taking care of my boys.
Oh, and I do not love that my boys have been moved from their private room with their own private nurse to the regular Special Care Unit where we have to share the room with six other babies, and the nurse has other responsibilities besides whether or not Micah is fidgeting.
I want them being tended to with obsessive care.
Is that so much to ask?

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Schedule

My babies eat on a three hour schedule.

They're too little to show any really signs of hunger, and the amount that they eat has been mathematically calculated to each of their sizes to help them gain weight, and expand their bellies quickly so that they can subsist on breast milk alone. 

Right now they're being weaned off the IV, and every little bit more of my milk that they get is a little less IV Fluid they need. 

In fact, hopefully by tomorrow they'll be off their IVs. Whoo-hoo!

But back to the schedule:

The babies eat at 1:00am 4:00am, 7:00am, 10:00am, 1:00pm, 4:00pm, 7:00pm, and 10:00pm.

I go to every daytime feeding (7:00am-10:00pm), and usually take at least two naps in that time for about an hour and a half each.

Then I stay home and pump for the 1:00am and 4:00am feedings. 

Today I was napping before the 1:00pm feeding, and woke a little late. I rushed in at 15after, and apologized to Travis (who was meeting me there straight from work).

"I fell asleep and woke up a bit late," I apologized.

And then a nurse lectured me extensively about how I need my sleep or I won't have any more breast milk, and the babies don't even know whether or not I'm there.

And apparently the nurses then held a secret conference about how I am running on empty (which I'm not. Remember how I was late because I was sleeping? I get sleep. And I miss two feedings every night, which is so hard for me.)

Because then two separate nurses tried to get the charge nurse to restrict how often I can come in, based, I assume, on the assumption that if I'm not at the hospital then I will be home in bed.

And not on the assumption that if I'm not in the hospital then I will be prowling the hospital grounds listening for my babies' cries.

And we were at the 1:00 feeding today late, because the lactation consultant was finally there (she's been sick) and she came for an hour to teach me tricks of the trade. So it was 3:00 when we left, and I said "Well, maybe I'll just stay until 4:00, so no one has to drive me back in forty minutes."

And the nurse said, "Maybe you should just stay home and get some rest and come back at 7:00."

And so I did.

Because I don't want the nurses to go behind my back and get me kicked out of the NICU.

But I'd already taken two naps.

And I slept really well last night.

So I wasn't tired. So I just sat at home feeling anxious. And wishing I was there. 

And the babies know whether or not I'm there. 

They can smell me, or hear me or something. And they know when I'm there, but I'm not holding them.

They'll start fussing and crying and turning towards me.

Today Grey started fussing, and I reached in and laid my hand on his chest, but he started crying harder, arching his back and ripping at his cords.

"Can I take him?" I asked. The nurse nodded (they rarely let me hold them lately, since they've been under the lights for jaundice.)

I had barely lifted Grey from the bassinet before he was quiet. I held him against my chest and he snuggled in and immediately fell back to sleep.

And I've seen the nurses try to snuggle them when I'm there.

They're not interested in being snuggled by women who aren't their mama. Especially if I'm there.

So today I missed a feeding. But never again.

Unless I need to. 

And can I just say, every other new mom in the world gets to spend all day and all night feeding her baby and not sleeping.

With two babies, I should have twice the right to not sleep if I so choose.

So leave me alone, you bossy nurses.

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