Boys and Girls

Warning: This post has BODY PART NAMES in it and OPINIONS.
Yep. Pretty explicit.

Grey and Micah are obsessed with the differences in bodies. They're interested in hair color, eye color (interestingly enough, they've never asked me a question about someone's different skin color), they're interested in how tall or fat people are.
But the biggest and most interesting differences to them, are the differences between men and women. Everyone warns that boys are MUCH more interested in talking about body parts (ie penises) than girls, and at our house- that has definitely been the case.

Because they are interested (and probably will be for the rest of their lives) in the differences between men and women, we want to always be really honest, clear, and open with them.
We try really hard to teach the boys to use the proper names for body parts, because we don't want them to feel uncomfortable about their bodies or lack the words to communicate.
But that means that my highly loquacious children sometimes use words like "vagina" or "breasts" in somewhat embarrassing situations.

Recently, a friend was nursing her twins at my house.
My kids, who are totally used to seeing one baby nurse, but not two (somewhat ironically) watched interestedly for a moment. Then Micah turned to me and said, "Mom, she has a crazy bra on." And Grey said matter-of-factly, "Hmm. You have little breasts."
I was a little embarrassed, but mostly I was proud that nursing and breasts were no big deal at my house.

A few months ago, when Micah asked why I didn't have a penis, he learned the word vagina.
Since then, he has occasionally asked, "You have a vagina and no penis?"
But lately, he has started requesting, "Mom, I want to see your vagina."
No.
No is always the answer.
After he realized that I would not show him my vagina, he started trying to surprise me into showing him.
He regularly bursts into the bathroom while I am in there and shouts, "SHOW ME YOUR VAGINA," or "LET ME SEE YOUR PEE COME OUT."

No, man. NO.

So we talk about privacy and try to explain why we don't show each other our genitals.
And sometimes I get frustrated, and regret teaching them the word vagina. Sometimes they ask, "Why do you have a vagina and no penis?" And I just snap, "Because! I do! For once in your life, leave me alone while I pee!"

But recently, Grey asked me (unprompted), "Mom, why do you have a vagina?"
I kind of rolled my eyes, and said "Because, Grey. Heavenly Father made my body. He gave me a vagina because I am a girl."
And I am so grateful that those were my words, because we continued to have one of our longest and best conversations to date.
It started out like this:

Grey: Why are you made a girl?
Me: So that I could grow up and be your mommy.
Grey: Hmm. Heavenly Father made my body?
Me: Yep! He made you a boy, so you can do all the fun things that boys can do, and when you grow up, you can be a daddy- just like your daddy.
Grey: Tell me about Elanor is a girl.
Me: Heavenly Father made Elanor a little girl, with a special girl-body, and when she grows up she can be a mommy, too.
Grey: She can be one of my Mommies?
Me: Nope, you already have a mom and it's me.
Grey: No. I mean... She could be my wife?

I mean.
And it just got sweeter.
Grey asked about every member of our family and many friends, "Tell about August is a boy," and "Tell me about Heavenly Father made Daddy."

And I just repeated the same things.
"Heavenly Father gave August a tiny little boy body, and he will grow up into a big boy like you and then a man like your Daddy. He is so lucky to be a boy."
"Elizabeth is a woman, because Heavenly Father made her to be a woman. She was a little girl like Elanor, and now that she's grown up, she gets to be a mommy. She even has a baby in her belly! She's so lucky that she is a woman."

I know there's a lot of controversy about gender right now, and there is always controversy about sex and religion.
So doubtless many people will disagree with what I told my boys, with how we approach understanding bodies, with our opinions on the importance of gender.

But I think it's okay to believe that your body is special. That differences are important. That you were fearfully and wonderfully made with a purpose in mind.
I don't believe that one gender is better than another, but I do think that women can (and should!) be grateful and happy to be women and that men can (and should!) be happy to be men.
I don't think that I am a woman because a jumble of genes and chromosomes randomly determined it as though it were the lottery, and likewise- I don't think I can just decide to be a man instead. I was and am meant to be a woman and a mother.

I want my sons (and daughters if I ever am lucky enough to have them) to love and appreciate their bodies and the bodies of the people around them.
I want them to know that they are strong, beautiful, and can do and be anything- regardless of their gender, but to also appreciate the differences and opportunities unique to them because they are boys or girls.

I bet you didn't know that's where this post was headed when you started reading all that vagina stuff at the top.
Well, I didn't know that's where it was headed when I began writing! It was almost as surprising as having a three year old burst into the bathroom while you're peeing and shout, "Let me see your pee come out!"
Almost.

Great Expectations

Expectant moms are afraid to say that they hope they're having a boy or girl.
I know it.
I know, because I'm afraid to say it.
I'm afraid that if I say it out loud, then it won't happen.
I'm afraid that if it doesn't happen, I'll be disappointed.
If I'm disappointed by the gender of my child, then I'm pretty much a terrible mom, aren't I?

So you can't say it out loud.

With my first pregnancy, I thought I was having twins. I did. I dreamed about twins constantly. I saw how much bigger I was than my other pregnant friends, and I knew. I just knew it. 
But I was afraid to say it out loud.
So, I said it secretly.
People asked when we'd have a baby, and I said, "In 6 months we'll have at least one."
We'd listen to the baby's heartbeat, and I'd ask the midwife to move the doppler around a little, just in case we could pick up another sound in there.
And she'd roll her eyes and say, "I'm sure you're not pregnant with twins."
But I was not reassured.

I used to have dreams about taking twins to the park. I was pushing a double stroller or they were toddling down the street ahead of me. They had chubby little legs and blond curly hair, like old illustrated Gerber babies or the babies in old Golden Books.
The sun was so bright, that everything was almost too white to see. The twins, (usually a boy and a girl), would run away from my across the grass, laughing while birds sung.
I would wake up, and lie in bed - trying to decide if these dreams were being caused by my subconscious trying to alert me to twins or by the 6 bowls of Apple Jacks I ate at one in the morning.
They were extremely nice, non-accurate dreams.

My twins do not look like I imagined. And they are both boys. Usually I can't hear the birds singing at the park, over the screaming (both excited and angry).
But it doesn't matter.
Because there were two big, important things about those dreams that were real:
1. I was going to have twins.
2. It would be dreamy and awesome.

Once again, I have conflicting feelings.
My first pregnancy, I struggled with feeling of unlikeliness. I wasn't going to have twins, because seriously, who even has twins?
No one. It was highly unlikely. I wasn't really pregnant with twins, I told myself, I'm just a paranoid new mom with a suspicion that my pregnancy was bigger and better than everyone else's.

And now, I have new feelings. This pregnancy feels exactly like my other pregnancy, so it's probably a boy- right? And if it were a boy, that would be awesome. It really, really would. Besides already having tons of boy clothes, and boy-raising experience - I'm all about brothers.
I could probably be happy as one of those moms with all boys. The new baby would have big brothers to show him the ropes, to teach him cool things that Mom doesn't want him to learn, to help him and take care of him. To love him and to tease him. Brothers are the best.

But then, whenever I talk about the baby, I find myself saying "she."
I can feel her moving. I wonder what she looks like.
I picture the nursery or the quilt I'm going to make, and my friends- it is pink, yellow, and flowery.
Even Micah only refers to the baby as, "Baby Sister." Seems like he knows something, doesn't it?

And I can't decide. Do I think this baby is a girl because I want a girl? I want a girl because I already have two boys. I want them to have a sister to take care of. To tease and harass, to protect and be gentle with. I want to buy her little patterned knit-tights, and read her books that aren't about trains and pirates.

Or do I want a boy because I'm kind of scared of having a girl? I am. I am afraid of dolls and ballet shoes. I am uncomfortable with flowery aprons and fairy gardens.
I am much more at home with sticks and dirt, and learning to punch imaginary monsters.

And I know, okay? Girls like dirt and punching monsters, too. Boys like dolls and dancing. Yeah, yeah. I know. That doesn't make me feel less nervous.
Because I already know, I can do okay with boys. I know no such thing about girls.

All these conflicting feelings have me feeling quite conflicted.
Do I really think this is a boy? Am I pretending that I think it's a boy so that I won't be disappointed if it is?
Or do I think this is a girl? Am I afraid to think this baby is a girl, in case it isn't?

I mean. Seriously, lady. Calm down. Go get your sons some peanut butter and honey sandwiches.
I know.

What will be, will be. 

And I know that I will not be disappointed with either gender. I really won't. A boy or a girl would be such a treat, a blessing, an adventure, and a delight.
But I can't stop wondering, wishing, hoping, and thinking.
December 2nd we find out.
It can't get here fast enough.

who guessed twins on my poll?

you get a prize for real.

twins.

boys.

two boys.

I am having twins and that is all that I have processed so tomorrow you will get a nice long post.

Your last day to vote

Have you made your guess on my poll yet?
Today is your last day to vote because tomorrow we will know!

I still think signs point to "boy" and here are all my reasons.

First: The Ring Test - Micah performed this highly accurate test and said boy, and he's never been wrong!

Second: Supposedly you aren't as sick when you're pregnant with a boy. I've been tired, sore, and pretty nauseous but nothing compared to my mom, and I hardly ever throw up.

Third: EVERYONE else is having boys, and babies come in waves. I think that is true. Yesterday at church we had the Primary Program (all the little kids spoke and sang, so cute!) and they were all standing by age, but you'd think they were standing by gender. Only girls one year, only boys the next. It was bizarre.

Fourth: Generational waves, by which I mean that my paternal grandma only had sons (five!) and all of her boys mostly had girls (only three boys to ten girls!). Now only one of those cousins has kids, but she has two boys and a girl so far... so logically I should also have mostly boys. We're switching off generations.


But Travis and my mom are both pretty sure that I'm pregnant with a girl:

Travis has flipped point THREE and said since everyone else is having boys I am probably having a girl. (Someone has to, right?)

And my mom is looking at her side of the family's generational waves, in which the first born is always a girl, apparently.

And I keep having dreams that I'm pregnant with twins - a boy and a girl.
But that's almost impossible, since we only heard one heartbeat... but not completely impossible.
And don't pregnant women usually have some sort of intuition about this? Maybe made manifest in their dreams?

Or maybe I'm just going crazy from not knowing.
Soon enough I'll be able to go crazy from knowing (the type of insanity where I buy and make lots of pretty and awesome things non-stop and don't do any school work because I'm thinking about my baby).
And by "soon enough" I mean TOMORROW.

Also, this is a picture of me the day I was born.
Maybe our baby will be fat and hairy like this.

Or maybe our baby will be skinny and bald like his/her daddy:
(I couldn't find a newborn pic! sad...)


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One thing two thing, pink thing blue thing

You have to wait through the weekend, and through Monday.
But so do I.
If I am feeling cruel (or otherwise occupied) you may even have to wait through Tuesday.
But I will not have to. I will know on Tuesday.

But most of you aren't as excited to know as I am.
Most of you are probably only mildly interested.

To tide you over, here are some of my favorite boy things and girl things.
It's a good thing we have ultrasounds, or I would buy all these things, instead of only buying half of them.

What's that you're saying? I can't afford any, let alone half of these things?
sigh. Yes, I know.
A girl can dream, though.



Girl things:
Pretty Pink Shoes: Lala Shoes
Girly Triangle Quilt: Pata Pri
Dolls I could totally make, right: Doodle Girl
Anything from: Periwinkle (the prettiest store for little girls clothes)
Star studded shoes: Barnabe
A stuffed bunny I could maybe make: Magpie Patterns


Boy things:
Teepee (how fun!): Moozlehome
Boy Moccasins: Sweet William
"Cranky Pants" (such a good pun): CrankyPants
Sgt. Pepper Fleece Jacket: Nonchalant Mom
Road Tape: My first Autobahn
Little Knitted Pants: Bieq


Baby things: (I could and might buy these no matter if my baby is a she or he)
Finger puppets!: Les Zigouis
Alphabet cards: Zoo Set
Goofy (and slightly creepy) doll: Line + Liv
Rainbow Bobble blanket: Rocket and Bear
Leaf Puzzle: Just hatched
And any animal costume ever, apparently: The Gap

Ahh, lovely. I seriously spent WAY too much time compiling this list of pretty things I want but can't afford anyhow.
I will spend my weekend picturing my baby and thinking about how to dress him (or her) and how to decorate her (or his) bedroom.
What will you do?

A poll!

See that poll to your right?
be sure to vote, do you think my baby is a lady or a fellow?

The winner will get a prize and the prize is my baby! (spoiler alert: either me or Travis will win - or probably both of us) but you should still vote!

We have just a week until the official results roll in!


.

Half way

I am half way there.
I look like this:

I put my arms by my side so you'd all stop accusing me of "sticking it out." This is me standing normal, I promise.
(If I have a slightly crazed look in my eyes it's because I was growing tired of making Travis retake my picture, since he kept NOT telling me that I was doing weird things with my neck, and HE was growing tired of me making him retake this photo, I think.)

This weekend two strangers assumed I was pregnant without knowing it and a woman at church asked me if I was pregnant (which is a dangerous thing to ask someone you have to see every week) so I guess I'm looking pregnant for real.
Finally.

And that's not all. The exciting news is yet to come:
we will learn the baby's gender in one week.

ONE WEEK FROM TODAY!!

(I'm not an all-caps or multiple exclamation point kind of girl, so you know that I'm REALLY excited)

GAH! I can't hold it in. Travis still holds that she's a she and I think he's a he, so one of us will be wrong but both will be enormously excited and happy and there will be no disappointment.
How could this baby be a disappointment?
BAAAAH! BABY! I'm so excited, I periodically burst into jumping and yell things like "ONE MORE WEEK!"

Oh Hurrah! A baby a baby a baby yay!

Gold Ring Test

This is a picture which is unrelated to my post but which is awesome. It is my friend Suzie in Brooklyn with her baby who I love. I stole it off their family's blog without permission. (Crosstowntrains.blogspot.com)
I want to live in Brooklyn too, with Cole, Suzie and Elliot despite my baby's gender.
There. That's how this photo relates to this blog post. Click on the picture to see it in it's full awesomeness

My baby has a gender.
In fact, if she's a lady she already has millions of eggs in her tiny ovaries.
And if she's a boy she probably has a ... I just realized I'm still saying she so now this sentence is creepy and I'm stopping.

But what I mean is this, even though we won't find out the baby's sex for another month and a half (TOO LONG!) he/she is already either a boy or a girl.
And I want to know which like crazy!

So I can buy things, and plan for the future, and think of names that might actually be our baby's name.
And talk about the baby. Because I LOVE talking about being pregnant, but I do not love saying "it."
I usually say "he" because I'm an English major and it seems more grammatically correct than saying "she."
But also, I think the baby is a he.
Travis thinks the baby is a she.

Our friend Micah did the gold-ring test: you hold a gold ring over the pregnant lady's belly (mine) on a long string.
If the ring sways back and forth like a pendulum then he is a boy.
If the ring moves in a circle then she is a girl.

Micah has done the gold ring test for about 10 pregnant ladies and always been right. So I trust this highly scientific experiment.
Travis filmed it, but then accidentally deleted the footage! Can you believe him? So you have to read my account, instead of watching it - which would have been better.
First, the ring was perfectly still (and I was watching Micah's hand to make sure he didn't cheat) then it started to sway back and forth (BOY!) really fast and in long sweeping arcs.
"Holy COW!" Micah yelled, "your baby must be the most boyish boy ever."
He stopped the ring, and tried it again, to see if the results were the same, and once again the ring started moving in a wide fast arc back and forth over my belly.

So.
Now we know.
(but not defiantly, positively since we haven't seen him) my baby must be a boy.
(Travis still thinks the baby is a girl. What a fool!)