And also, I talk about myself.
Fact: Twilight is like literary cocaine.
Yes, it pains me too that I used the word "literary."
So, I have previously (on many occasions, especially on my old blog) written about how much I dislike Twilight.
And recently my brother in law sent me a link to this {blog post} in which the author talks about Twilight, discussing the many problems that we all have (like why doesn't Edward kill Bella when she has her period? Stalking is creepy, not romantic. How can Edward make babies if he has no blood or sperm? etc, etc, etc.)
But one thing that she said which I had not quite figured out is that Twilight is COCAINE.
Which is why I see Twilight, and simultaneously want to stab it with a basilisk fang and... um... read it.
Yes. I will admit that I once read the Twilight books.
And when I discuss Twilight with people it goes like this:
Becky: I hate Twilight. It is dumb.
Person (girl): You obviously haven't read it.
Becky: Yes I have.
Person (girl): Why did you read it if you hate it so much?
Becky: Because *layer on snotty, judgmental tone* it was so horrifyingly stupid, and now I can talk about all the things in it that are dumb and it only took me a day per book anyway... so... yeah.
So here's the truth. I read the first three Twilight books when I was a freshman at college. I had to go home for extensive foot surgery and was bedridden for a few weeks.
I lay in bed, dying of boredom and begging for books, and I was brought the Twilight series.
In three days I had read them. I did hate them.
But also... I COULDN'T PUT THEM DOWN. They were sleazy, confusing, seriously anti-feminist, poorly written, creepy, annoying, and my list of adjectives could go on...
yet they were also addicting.
And I now I know that it's because they are a drug. A bad, hard drug.
While you read you think to yourself "This is bad. I should stop. I'm addicted and I hate myself for liking this. I'm turning into a crazy person. This is bad. Stop. Stop. This is ba--- hold up. I'm 1,200 pages in?"
And then, years later when you're an adult and you've kicked the habit and you have children to care for and set a good example for -- you find yourself thinking, "I'm kind of in the mood for some soft-porn, disgusting, self-depreciating, mood-swing literature. I wonder if there's some sort of back-alley library that I can go to so that the people at the real library don't see me and judge me when I check out Twilight."
And then. BOOM. You're back. Suddenly, you want to read the story of the lipgloss-wearing man who wants to eat his girl friend, and the girl friend who is self-hating bedwetter.
But it's not your fault. And you can probably get help.
I would highly recommend reading Harry Potter to stave off these feelings of absurdity.
Oh, and since you're wondering (were you wondering?) I did eventually read the fourth book... or most of it.
When I returned to summer-college-school from surgery-time my roommates and I bought the fourth book together.
We read it aloud as an apartment.
Yes. We used silly voices.
Yes. We had long, long, loooong philosophical discussions on how much we hate Stephanie Meyer and also Bella Swan and the reasons why they should probably be dead (first of all, obviously neither of them understands the real world. How do they survive in it?).
Yes. We recorded long portions of our readings and discussions on tape and sent said tapes to our friends to listen to and enjoy on their church missions.
Yes. We went to see the first Twilight movie.
No. I have yet to see a Twilight movie since then... although I've been thinking it may be time for a marathon.
Yes. Today is Friday, and it is a fact that Twilight and cocaine are the same. FYI.
I am highly interested in hearing your opinions on Twilight, and if you don't write a whole post about it (you totally should) then at least leave me a comment with some Twilight thoughts.
Oh, and one of said roommates actually went as Bella Swan for Halloween this year (complete with a baby emerging from her womb.) Her costume was excellent. {Check it out.}
Click to vote:
And write a fact, so we can learn something new:
