Wednesday, December 8, 2010

things it is not okay to say to me, but which strangers keep saying:

If you've been pregnant you may have noticed that everyone and anyone has advice, questions, and comments to make which are either completely inappropriate or seriously annoying. Here are some that I have heard, and my new favorite comebacks, which are very snarky and I can't always bring myself to actually say, even though I want to.

First, people have come up with several different ways of asking if I was using fertility drugs, including:
"Are they natural?"
"Were you guys using In Vitro?"
"Were you trying for twins?" (this is my favorite way for people to ask, because it's so ridiculous. You can't try for twins.)
and "Do twins run in your family, or are they, you know, caused by other things?"
Are you asking if we were on fertility drugs? I am very fertile.

"You don't look big enough to be five months pregnant with twins."
How big should I be?
(Then I want to add: There are two appropriately-sized babies in me, so clearly I'm the right size.)

Better you than me.
No kidding.

Thank goodness they're both boys.
Yes, I hate girls.

Too bad they're not boy/girl twins.
Maybe we'll just fix one right after they're born.

Twins are twice as hard.
Twice as awesome.

Wow, it'll be hell to deliver them.
They better be worth it, huh?

I hope your husband has a good job.
If he can't provide, can I count on you to help us out?

Will you circumcise them?
We're thinking of circumcising one and not the other as a social experiment.

And now, please help me come up with snappy remarks for these:

"At least you're not having triplets or quads."
(Seriously? I hear this almost daily. It's like they're saying "twins sucks, but it could be even worse.")

"Congratulations, and I'm sorry."
(always said with a chuckle, like they think they're very clever)

"There's no way you can breastfeed twins!"
(I can and I will! Wet nurses used to feed up to six kids at once, what's a third of that?)

Also, several people have felt the need to tell me about powerhouse women they know, which always make me feel kind of weak, horrified, and defensive about my capabilities.
Like Kaylie's Aunt-in-law who RAN A MARATHON in her third trimester with twins. Non-human. Right? It can't be real.

It just can't be.

Watch this video where the ladies talk like robots. I like it.

My favorite lines:
"I know a lady who has triplets."

Because already I feel like that a little.
Not that I don't want to hear about you, but everyone wants to tell me that they know someone with multiples.
And I have no response, except "...awesome."

Also, please do not say to me, "Wow, that's going to be hard!" "It's just going to get worse!" "You're going to go crazy!" or "How are you going to survive?"

I already say these things to myself all the time.
I only want to hear nice things from the rest of you like "That's awesome!" "Congrats!" "You're going to be a great mom!" and "I'm so jealous! I love twins!"

So far you've all been doing pretty good, though.



The Spencers said...

Oh I had to laugh at this post. I still get asked most of those questions. I was having a crazy day and someone said, "I'm glad it's you and not me." And I looked at her and said, "I'm glad it's me and not you too." Then i walked away! She just kind of stood there. I don't usually say anything, but that day I did. I felt like saying, "really, do you have to say that." People can be so dumb! The best was when a lady came up to Richard and after talking to him and figuring out that yes, the girls are triplets, then the lady said, "So are they from your sperm." Ha ha ha ha! It shocked him so bad that he didn't know what to say, he just looked at her and then grabbed the girls and left. I laughed so hard when he told me that one. So funny!

I'm sure you don't want to hear this, but get used to the comments or just learn to ignore people, because they aren't going to stop when the babies come! My girls are 5 and I still get crazy comments or questions. I usually come home to my husband and we laugh over them.

You'll be a great mom and Travis will be a great dad too!

Joy Kara said...

You're going to be great; seriously. And don't let other people's worries freak you out. (Not that it seems like you are, I'm just saying don't let them get to you on a downer day.) Also, since you're having twins first, you're not going to know the difference. You'll never have just one newborn at a time, so having two will just be how it is, and you'll learn to care for them just like I'm going to learn to care for one. I'm not trying to be advicey, mostly just to say that people who say, "I'm sorry" can shove it, because they probably haven't had twins. It's a wonderful blessing, and so so exciting.
Sorry for the rant.

Jessica D. said...

"Will you circumcise them?
We're thinking of circumcising one and not the other as a social experiment. "

Bahahahahaha. I love your humor so much. I really hope you say this to people.

Amy said...

"were you trying for twins" LOL! I think you should just respond to that one with "How would you do that?"

I can't believe that people ask you about your fertility! What a personal question. I guess it makes sense since people tend to view pregnant women as public property. I mean who else will a stranger walk up to in the grocery store and touch their belly.

It's extra stupid since fertility drugs and In Vitro don't increase your chances of identical twins, just fraternal.

Elizabeth said...

Andy and I laughed so hard at the circumcision comment! That's was hilarious!
Seriously, I am jealous you are having twins, I totally wanted them, so I need to you to visit so I can borrow them for a day!
Don't let people get to you! I don't have multiples and I get comments of a different nature all of the time! especially little old ladies that want to tell you what to do all of the time. Or everyone wants to give you their freaking life story! Smile, nod your head, pretend to catch someone's eye and make your escape! Or once the babies come, have a baby emergency and duck out fast!
You'll be great!

Seriously use the circumcision line! Too funny!

Rebecca... said...

I'm so jealous! I love twins!

You WILL be a great mommy, and you WILL encounter idiots. It's something I have learned they can't control.

"At least you're not having triplets or quads."
"Why... Are you?"

Becky Pitcher said...

Okay, I have to admit it! Travis is the one who said we were going to circumcise one and not the other as a social experiment. I just stole it from him.
But I have totally said it since.

kaylie jean. said...

AND she got hit by a car on mile 24.

Also, That's awesome, Congrats!, You're going to be a great mom!, I'm so jealous!, I love twins!

Love you girl.

MARCIE said...

My lips are zipped lest I offend. But I do have advice --just laugh! Most people don't realize they are being stupid. It is just so natural for us!
Love you!

The Stanley's said...

All I know is I got a Christmas card today that made my whole day. I am so excited for these babies!

Polly said...

Yes, get used to it and learn to deal with it. People have said things to me my entire life that are annoying. When I was your age it was "your married? how old are you?" Now it is "your going to be a grandma? How old are you?" "Were you 12 when your daughter was born?" "There is a big age difference between your kids, is this a second marriage?" "you've been married how long? Do you honestly still like your husband?" People are just curious and can't help but ask stupid questions. I actually asked a patient a stupid question the other day and when it came out of my mouth I said sorry I shouldn't have said that it is non of my business, he told me he had just gotten divorced after 35 years of marriage and I said "why would you get divorced after 35 years?" I couldn't comprehend it, and didn't really want to know the answer, but he was more then happy to tell me his whole life story. YIkes! People aren't trying to be offensive. Even dad and I asked if twins run in Travis's family, we certainly weren't wondering if you used fertility meds. We just wondered how big of a fluke this is. Obviously since the boys are identical it is a big fluke, an awesome exciting fluke that we are all going to love being a part of.

Carol said...

Polly's right. Most of the time people don't mean what they say. You know I put my foot in my mouth all the time. I'm trying to be better but sometimes things just come out really wrong. I just keep trying and trying and sometimes trying even again.

Jessica said...

So you don't know me..I was blog stalking and found your blog through someone's blog, and now I am not even sure how. I have to say I love your blog! I kept finding myself wanting to read more and more of it!

Anyway I had to leave a comment on this post because I can't believe the things people have the nerve to say!

I really am jealous, I think twins are so fun. I bet it will be twice as fun, and twice as rewarding!!

My friend's blog that I follow has a similar post to this. I think you can relate a little.

Sounds like you will be a great mom! Congrats on twins!!

Anonymous said...

You mean you're not going to just roll over and die because you have two babies? :) Yep. The day we brought the girls home from the hospital, we were only in public for 5 minutes total door-to-door, and we got the top four q's in our apartment building's elevator 1) wow, twins? 2) Are they identical? 3) are they both girls? 4) you sure have your hands full!
We did get a hearty "congrats!" so it wasn't too bad...and I'm preparing myself to just laugh for the next 18 years.