Conversations with Two-Year Olds

Some of the silly things that the boys have been doing / saying lately include constantly telling me things are what they are not.
So they tell me that babies are Mamas, or that blue eyes are brown, or that a dog is a kitty. Then they laugh and laugh, because it's so funny.
They've also invented a new word. It's my favorite word of all time, and I can't help but use it myself. Whobody. It's a combination of Who and anybody/nobody/somebody, etc.
They are constantly asking "Whobody is here?"
And they've gotten really bossy. They like to instruct people to stop looking at them. Stop talking. Stop writing. Take their picture. Turn on the lights. Turn off the lights. Set down whatever we're holding.
It's driving me nuts! Maybe I'm too bossy? They certainly accuse me of such a thing.
Anyway. This weeks' chitchat:

**Grey stopped in front of a cap gun for sale at the grocery store.**
Grey: Wow. Mom, look at this gun.
Me: That's neat, come on, help me look for molasses.
Grey: **Moan of longing**
Me: Move along.
Grey: I think I need this gun, okay, Mom? I put it in the cart for you to buy me.
(Followed by a tantrum, in case you were wondering.)

Me: Hey, where did those crackers come from? You didn't finish your breakfast.
Micah: Oh. I bought these crackers.
Me: No, you didn't. You don't have money. Where did you find them?
Micah: I bought them in the kitchen. So now they're mine.

Micah: My back is itchy. I need pop.
Me: I don't think pop is going to help your itchy back.
Micah: But Mom! I love pop! My back is itchy, but I love pop!

Micah: GET ME DOOOOWWN!
Me: You need to ask nicely, why on earth do you think you can whine like that?
Micah: I need to whine so you help me. I could fall here! Get me down!

Grey: Come with me.
Me: Why?
Grey: Because you want to.

Micah: Whobody there?
Me: Nobody is here.
Micah: I-body am here.

Grey: In my car is Dad, Micah, Elanor, Baby Jude.... Um, Elizabeth. A puppy. And Tyler.

**Micah pushes Grey, Grey begins to cry.**
Me: Did you like to get pushed?
Grey: No. I not like it. I get hurt.
Me: When you push Micah or your friends, they get hurt too, and they don't like it either. So we need to remember that being pushed isn't fun, and be kind to our friends and not push.
Grey: I not like to be pushed. But I like to push Micah.

**To a baby at Ikea**
Grey: Hey. Don't look at me.  *     *     *  Mom, I'm being nice to people!

Micah: I want to go to church. I not sick. I'm alright. I need my teachers. I like to do puzzles with him!

Micah: I can take the pillows off your bed?
Me: Please don't. Go take your own pillows.
Micah: I want to, please!
Me: I'd really rather you didn't.
Micah: Okay, Mom. Now go in the kitchen and close your eyes and don't come back in here.

**Talking about the baby in my belly**
Grey: I want a boy baby.
Micah: This IS a boy baby.
Grey: This is not a boy. It's a baby.
Micah: It is a boy!
Grey: It is a sister. I am a boy.
Micah: THIS BABY IS A BOY AND SO IS MOM.

Micah: I have blue eyes.
Me: That's right. What color are my eyes?
Micah: You have blue eyes!
Me: No, they're-
Micah: Purple! Red! Yellow! Hahaha, YOU HAVE BLUE EYES! Haha!
Me: You goofball! What color are my eyes?
Micah: Not brown! You have blue eyes like me! Haha!

**Micah points to my left breast**
Micah: What's this?
Me: That's my breast.
Micah: No. That's your heart. THIS **points to my right breast** is your breast. I have a heart, too. But I don't have a breast.

Grey: Daddy, watch me. Mama watch me. Two of them watch me. Micah, watch me. HEY! Everybodies sit down and watch me! Okay. Three of them watch me. Go!

Grey: **Points to Travis' phone.** That's Becky.
Me: What is?
Travis: Nothing.
Me: What did he point at? He said it was me!
Travis: It's a video of a lion attacking a water buffalo.

Me: Grey, you're prancing like a pony!
Grey: I am! I am a jumping pony! Look at me, the jumping pony!

Micah: I wanna watch Adventure Time!
Grey: Micah, I love Finn and you love Jake.
Micah: I DO love Jake!

Grey: You feeling sick, Mom?
Me: I'm okay, I'm just hiding to have some alone time. Can you go back out and shut the door?
Grey: No, I can't. I have to stay here, because I'm dying. And now, I'm dead. On your bed.

Grey: Okay, Mom, you are dead.
Me (whispers): Travis!
Grey: Hey! Don't wake up! You're dead. Stop, Mom! Don't open your eyes, you're dead! Stop laughing right now, you are dead and if moms are dead, they can't laugh!

**Micah threw up on to the couch**
Grey: Whoa! Look at Micah's puke! Gross! It's **Gags** Oh no! Imma puke, too! I gotta go hide from Micah's puke!

Grey: WHOA! I dizzy!
Me: Whoa, Grey!
Grey: Stop. I not dizzy anymore. Don't say that.

Micah: Don't look at me.
Me: Okay, I'll leave.
Micah: Stay here, but don't look at me.

Micah: I like when you are a pirate.
Grey: I'm not a pirate. I'm Grey Pitcher.
Micah: You are a boy?
Grey: Yes, but I'm Grey Pitcher, though.

Grey: **Rubbing my back affectionately** This is my Becky. My Becky Mom.

Me: There, now you have on your snuggly socks!
Grey: Now Grey is Pooh. I'm just like Pooh!

Me: We each get to open one present because it's Christmas Eve.
Grey: I get a Christmas present from Eva? (Robot from Wall-E)

Grey: Mom, Riley's not talking!
Me: Hmm, I wonder if he can talk since he is a dog...
Grey: He can! He talks like bark bark.

Micah: Don't bite people, Grey! Only bite food!

Micah: That's a ghost house.
Grey: Oh no!
Micah: It's okay. You're safe here with me.
Grey: I'm safe? Thank you brother.
Micah: Shh! Do you hear that?
Me: What is it?
Grey: It's the people! They're coming! Run!

**Driving by an ambulance**
Grey: Whoooooa, look! Christmas lights!

Grey: Mom, I love you. I love you. And you're not dead.

Me: What color eyes do you think your little brother will have?
Micah: My brother has blue eyes.
Me: No, the new baby brother. Will he look like you and Grey?
Micah: He has brown eyes, like my Mom.

Micah: Where Daddy go?
Me: He ran to work, but he'll be back soon.
Micah: In two minutes, to sleep with me?
Me: No, probably a little longer.
Micah: Hmmm. Not quite yet, I guess.