Monday, December 31, 2012

I'm in the mood to help you, Dude.

It's hard to blog over Christmas. I have Travis all day, I have my mom taking care of my kids and letting me use her sewing machine, I have a closet full of my brother's books, and am surrounded by all my favorite people to be surrounded by.
So, I just can't tear myself away to type. 
But now we're home, and the boys are asleep, and I'm putting off tackling the to-do list that is very long and sitting on my messy kitchen table. I have photos for my photo-a-day from last week, but I think Travis took my camera card with him to work, so you get them tomorrow.

Here's what you get today:
Travis and I listened to Aladdin playing in the car the whole way to Nevada and the whole way home. 

Needless to say, a lot of our conversation revolved around the movie playing in the backseat. 
Also, we spent a lot of time googling things like, "Do genies exist?" Or "How can I summon a genie?" Maybe, "I have a genie lamp. Now what?" And of course, "What should I ask my genie for?" 
I was both horrified and delighted by the number of very serious responses on Yahoo Answers. 
And this happened:

B: Here's a lesson I learned from Aladdin: if you keep your daughter locked up and only let her date men you choose, she'll go out and kiss and marry the first man she meets. And he'll probably be a homeless thief. 
T: Another! 
B: Don't half-ass things. The genie should have given Aladdin a "Prince Pedigree" at the beginning of the movie, but he just gives him fancy clothes. So when Jafar put Aladdin back into beggar clothes, suddenly he's not a prince. If he genie did his job, Aladdin wouldn't have to choose between setting him free and being a prince again. 
T: Here's one that I learned: I can jump off buildings if I land in sand. 
B: We're taking in different things. 
T: and girls in Arabia wear next to nothing when they're young, but they wear A LOT of clothes when they're old.  
B: Because when they get old they're-
T: UGH! 
B: Monsters.

B: Here's another lesson I learned from Aladdin, Girls are smarter than boys.

T: What!? Aladdin is the one that saves the day!
B: Only because first he screwed it up! Jasmin seduced Jafar and gave him PLENTY of time to grab the lamp, but he was too dumb to get it! Plus, she figures out that Aladdin is the boy from the market, AND successfully runs away from the palace and would have escaped if she didn't have to reveal herself to save Aladdin.
T: But Aladdin had to save her, because she didn't know about MONEY.
B: Okay, that's fair.
T: She almost got her arm chopped off. She would have bled to death in the market place, or no one would marry her because now she's a mutant. "I'M A MONSTER!" She's ripping down all the tents with her hook!  That's how Aladdin should have ended.

T: Man, Aladdin is CRAZY dumb. Freaking idiot.

B: I like when Jafar calls the genie a Lout.

B: No, he's saying "Lout." Lout is a real word!
T: So is Lug!
B: I'll google it. "Lout: an oaf, drunken idiot, etc."
B: to heft, to introduce in an inappropriate manner
T: What about the NOUN lug?
B: It's not a noun. It's a verb.
T: It'll have a little lowercase, italic n. next to it.
B: That's not a thing, it's a verb.
T: Okay, google the script.
B: Okay, I googled "Big Blue Lout"  and everything that came up was Aladdin quotes and clips from the movie.
T: Now Google "Big Blue Lug."
B: That's not what he says!
T: Google it!
B: Okay, there are some quotes here...
T: Really? Huh. What a surprise. Read them.
B: "I am not a big blue lug, I am Solath! You should come out of the trees so my riders can see you."
T: What?! Anything else?
B: Actually, yes. There's a lot of quotes from fanfiction stories about Aladdin, but-
T: HA! I was right!
B: Right about WHAT?! No you weren't! Lout! Lout is a word!
T: If you can't trust the fans, who can you trust, Becky?

T: Just to be clear, this movie is about a boy who tricks a rich girl into marrying him and then sets an evil demon loose on the world, right?

T: If the sultan is really angry at Jasmin, shouldn't he say, "Allah curse you with daughters," instead of "Allah forbid you should have any daughters?" I mean, having her own daughters to deal with seems like a worse punishment. 
B: He's not talking to Jasmin, he's talking to Rajah!
T: He's definitely talking to Jasmin. Why would he talk to the tiger?
B: He's looking at the tiger when he says it!
T: But he's talking to Jasmin. He like rolls his eyes, and grunts under his breath, like "Oh Jasmin! Allah forbid!"
B: He doesn't say Jasmin, because he's talking to Rajah, he's like, "Man, Rajah - daughters are the worst. I hope you don't have to deal with this like I do."
T: THAT IS INSANE! He's not talking to Rajah, and if Rajah is a dude, he's definitely castrated! No daughters anyway!

There was also a lot of commentary during the movie (which, remember, we couldn't see, because it was in the backseat and we were in the front.) Like yelling, "BOYS! Shield your eyes from sexy Jasmin! She's a red-hot sex machine!"

Anyways. What I'm getting at is this: HOW ARE MY KIDS NOT SICK OF THIS MOVIE, YET?!


Casey said...

haha. For the record, the sultan was definitely talking to Rajah. :-)

Unknown said...

LOL!! Pretty new reader here. I totally died reading this be ause last night we were watching Lion King and I was telling my boyfriend about how I knew that and Aladdin by heart. I think you guys should give commentary on all Disney movies. Lol

-Danica- said...

This whole post makes me feel extra sad we don't own Alladin yet. Excellent commentary!

travis pitcher said...

I would never say that a Disney princess is a "red hot sex machine". That is inappropriate. Now that she was "sexy red hot" or "red hot sexy", that is a different matter.

Also, the sultan is absolutely talking to Jasmine.

Angela said...

The sultan is speaking to Rajah. Rajah even makes a funny face afterwards, like "Who me??"

Princess Jasmine: Please, try to understand. I've never done a thing on my own. I've never had any real friends.
[Rajah grumbles]
Princess Jasmine: Except you, Rajah. I've never even been outside the palace walls.
Sultan: But, Jasmine, you're a princess.
Princess Jasmine: Then maybe I don't wanna be a princess anymore.
Sultan: [exasperated] Ooooh! I-I-
[to Rajah]
Sultan: Allah forbid you should have any daughters!


Also, it IS lout.