Friday, March 28, 2014
I keep hearing Samwise's voice saying, "If I take one more step- it will be the furthest from home I've ever been."
Except in this pretend conversation with my favorite hobbit- the words sometimes change to "If I am pregnant for one more day- it will be the longest pregnancy I've ever had."
Today I am 35 weeks and three days pregnant.
When I gave birth to Grey and Micah, I was 35 weeks and two days. This is the longest I've been pregnant.
It's weird thinking that I may have another month of pregnancy- I don't know how to be pregnant for so long.
But it's also crazy that I may only have a few weeks left!
I still am highly unprepared. I keep putting off buying things like diapers. But diapers are a must, aren't they? Sigh. I guess so.
My doctor said something wonderful at my last appointment. In addition to assuring me that my cervix was "super closed, nice and tight" (which is comforting to hear the day before your husband gets on a plane for another country), she also said "We'll try to get this baby out by 38 or 39 weeks."
In addition to other comforting phrases like, "We'll use non-medical inducement, like foot massages and membrane sweeps."
And "I have about a 6% c-section rate."
And "Unless I have wine at dinner, I will be the one to deliver your baby, even if I'm not on call."
Okay, deal. I accept.
I love you, doctor.
My husband says less comforting things, like "If Debbie is your doula then I can just concentrate on filming the best birth video ever! But I won't film your vagina."
Wait. That is not what you need to be concentrating on.
This boy. I love him so much.
Almost every day, Grey and Micah ask when he'll be here for real.
People constantly ask, "Do the boys know what you mean when you tell them a baby is coming?"
"But do they reeeealllllly understand what a new brother means?"
I mean, I guess not. Because how could they? Do they comprehend how their lives will be affected by a tiny, squalling child? I doubt it- since they're three. And most adults can't quite comprehend what multitude of changes a new baby will bring.
I've been through it before and I'm still not sure I "reeeealllllly understand" what changes are going to take place.
But the boys know that a baby is coming. And I think they're as excited and ready to meet him as I am.
We call the baby by his name. I still sometimes say it's his "tentative name," but I guess that's pretend. We know what we're going to call him- and we call him by his name all day. Everything Micah does is "To Baby Brother," (except he calls him by his name instead of brother.)
I'm making this playdough house to baby brother.
I'm digging this hole to baby brother.
I'm saving this toy to baby brother.
Grey asks me every day if it's time to go to the hospital and get baby brother borned yet.
They are ready.
Maybe if my stomach wasn't so huge and didn't move around so much- they would have a harder time understanding that a baby was coming.
Speaking of a huge belly: I am down to three shirts. Only three shirts fit me.
(Fit is a generous term that means several inches of my stomach aren't hanging out between my pants' top and shirt hem.) There still is quite frequent, accidental (and not so accidental) belly exposure. I have one pair of yoga pants and one pair of saggy-butted jeans that I can wear "comfortably." The butt of the jeans is excessively saggy, since my belly is hanging SO LOW that the top of the elastic band is below my hips and the top of the actual denim begins several inches below that. This baby is so low, there are actually several inches of my chest- below my breasts and above the beginning of my stomach- where everything is all stretched out (and pulled down by the weight of my belly) and you can actually see my ribs through my skin. My belly is SO HEAVY. It is constantly pulling me forward, down, and off-balance. You can see in the pictures that I'm about 31 weeks when suddenly by belly is extra low instead of high.
I know I'm not as big this pregnancy as last time (duh), but when I say, I'm so tired, I'm so big, or my back hurts like crazy, people are quick to dismiss me.
IMMEDIATELY they respond, You're not that big. You look so cute and tiny. You hardly even look pregnant.
First of all: I do look pregnant. If this is what you think non-pregnant women look like then you really are confused about the human body. I know what they mean, and it's supposed to be a compliment that my face isn't swollen and my legs aren't fat. But it's not really that flattering. Because the truth is: a giant belly still sucks. My body hurts. I am tired. I have no clothes that fit me.
And I'm getting new stretch marks, which seems COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.
Excuse me, giant, red, itchy stomach - aren't you aware of the fact that you are already riddled with stretch marks? I think you could be making some more use of the one's you've got.
I also didn't expect it to be so sore over my c-section scar as it stretches, too.
35.5 weeks. My doctor wants to start membrane sweeps at 37 weeks. That's a week and a half.
I could have a baby in two and a half weeks, and he'd be full term and perfect.
I'm ready to lie on my stomach again.
As Micah would say, I gotta get ready to baby brother.